Category: Detroit Tigers

A Tiger’s Tale, Who Will Close?

Detroit Tigers manager Jim Leyland is in a pinch,

When Jose Valverde was here, his 9th inning decision was a cinch,

It didn’t take much work for them to take the AL Central with an early clinch,

Make the wrong decision this year, the Tiger fans may lynch.

Bruce Rondon failed to lock up the closer’s spot,

A surefire replacement, the Tigers have not,

Frustration we can hope does not give Leyland a blood clot,

Now let’s go over the options that this team has got.

Joaquin Benoit right now is tops in the depth chart,

He’s getting a bit old and when exiting the bullpen may need a golf cart,

But age does not matter as long as you have heart,

The best option for the Tigers may actually be to leave in whoever they start.

Next on the list the team has got Phil Coke,

That’s not even the best name in this bullpen, that’s no joke,

Al Albuquerque takes the cake as the funniest name of all the folk,

With so many indecisions looming, I worry Leyland will die mid-season of a stroke.

There’s Octavio Dotel who has some experience as a closer,

Lately though he’s been more of a poser,

The 9th inning man needs the strength of a bulldozer,

It’s truly an art form, they could call themselves a composer.

Brayan Villareal and Drew Smyly round out the bullpen,

I’m sure both are incredibly capable men,

I still get the feeling the 9th inning will come around and then,

We will see Jim Leyland will ask his starters if they can pitch up until inning ten.

Whoever will close this season is beyond me,

Will it be Joaquin Benoit, Phil Coke, Al Albuquerque?,

Or will it be Octavio Dotel, Brayan Villareal, or Drew Smyly?,

Will the closer be able to get the outs, he only needs three.


More News on Fat People

Miami Carlins starting third baseman has been getting a lot of attention this Spring Training. He’s not tearing it up on the field or anything. The only thing he’s tearing apart are Kit Kats. Once again I find an article online blasting me in the face about Sandoval’s weight.

pablo sandoval fat

Sandoval who the article claims is approximately 282 pounds at this point, is giving himself two years before he has to alter his diet. He’s waiting until he turns 30 to start losing weight. Huh? That’s two years of your career where you can focus on getting in better shape. If he starts today then by the time he is 30 he will be better than ever. I don’t understand this fat man’s logic.

Sandoval’s stubbornness to care about his own body frustrates me and I am sure it upsets San Francisco Giants’s manager Bruce Bochy even more.

“Pablo is so incredibly fat it’s sickening.” Bochy never said but probably thought. “When he comes into camp with his big fat stomach hanging over I want to send the bullpen out to punch him until he pukes out a few pounds.”

Being overweight has become acceptable in baseball. Detroit Tigers first baseman Prince Fielder has had lots of success being a big fat mess like his estranged father Cecil. The big difference between Fielder and Sandoval though is where they play on the field. Sandoval is a third baseman. This is a position that requires a lot more range and movement than first base. Sandoval was even too fat to be a catcher. How is someone too fat to squat down and not run anywhere? It’s the position where all the fat kids play.

“I tried giving him some advice on how to curb the cravings.” teammate Tim Lincecum never said. “I smoke a lot of pot, 420 BABY!!!, so I understand what it’s like to have this uncontrollable urges to be lazy and do nothing but eat. Pablo doesn’t have that excuse. The guy just eats because it’s what he does best.”

Waiting in the dugout in case Sandoval is not ready to go this season is Miami Carlins backup third baseman Mike Moustakas of the Kansas City Royals. If asked by reporters what he thought about entering the starting lineup, Moustakas would have probably said, “Wow, I have never been interviewed for anything ever before in my entire life. It’s pretty lonely here in Kansas City. Most people don’t even know there’s a team here.”