Category: General Baseball

Baseball’s Color Barrier

I will post the weekly results later in the week for the sake of consistency. I think they may change because there’s an obvious glaring error in that Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages was given a loss to the Houston Asterisks even though Houston used 8 starts instead of 7. The Carlins did win though and that’s all that matters.

In the meantime and the in between time, here is something i wrote for Yahoo that I thought was pretty good and maybe one person will click it.

Stats Don’t Like: Statistical facts that Prove Baseball’s Color Barrier was Ridiculous

Boston Redd Foxx

Crime & Punishment

The kid who ran onto the field during the All-Star game may get a year in jail for his actions. I didn’t read the article as to why. I would guess something about how he publicized it on Twitter and the fact it was a nationally televised game. Probably not. I was too obsessed with how ridiculous the picture used was.

All-Star Game 2013 - Met fan runs on field


It literally looks like both the tackler and the tackleree are asleep in this photo. I worry about the tackler’s left ankle too. It appears to not be in proper alignment with the ground. I worry for his metatarsals. If you only look at the upper half of the photo it’s quite romantic.

Oh and the fantasy baseball week started up again yesterday. I also got a job. The last time I started working during this fantasy baseball season I went on a 5 game losing streak. Here’s to hoping I won’t go winless the rest of the season.

Fake 2013 All-Star Teams

The RT Baseball League (the name of the league the Miami Carlins are participating in) have announced their All-Star teams today. The two leagues is split in two divisions, East and West, and will be playing each other never. The teams were decided on fantasy points alone and no other factors such as popularity, ballot box stuffing, or relationship with the media. I have taken the players with the most points at their positions and put them on this team. These are the squadrons.

I have selected two players from every position (6 outfielders) along with 7 starting pitchers and 4 relief pitchers.



C – Buster Posey (Stone Cold)

C – Joe Mauer (Si Hurricanes)

1B – Paul Goldschmidt (Team Gold)

1B – Joey Votto (Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages)

2B – Dustin Pedroia (Team Gold)

2B – Brandon Phillips (Si Hurricanes)

3B – Josh Donaldson (Team Gold)

3B – Evan Longoria (Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages)

SS – Ian Desmond (Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages)

SS – Everth Cabrera (Stone Cold)

OF – Mike Trout (Team Gold)

OF – Carlos Gonzalez (Si Hurricanes)

OF – Jacoby Ellsbury (Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages)

OF – Domonic Brown (Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages)

OF – Adam Jones (Cecil Cantrell)

SP – Max Scherzer (Stone Cold)

SP – Matt Harvey (Cecil Cantrell)

SP – Clayton Kershaw (Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages)

SP – Adam Wainwright (Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages)

SP – Felix Hernandez (Stone Cold)

SP – Madison Bumgarner (Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages)

SP – Hisashi Iwakuma (Team Gold)

RP – Greg Holland (Stone Cold)

RP – Aroldis Chapman (Si Hurricanes)

RP – Edward Mujica (Team Gold)

RP – Craig Kimbrel (Cecil Cantrell)



C – Yadier Molina (Houston Asterisks)

C – Carlos Santana (Miami Carlins)

1B – Chris Davis (Team Boyle)

1B – Edwin Encarnacian (The Fuzzy Taints)

2B – Robinson Cano (Houston Asterisks)

2B – Jason Kipnis (Drunkin’ Drafters)

3B – Miguel Cabrera (The Fuzzy Taints)

3B – David Wright (Drunkin’ Drafters)

SS – Jean Seguar (The Fuzzy Taints)

SS – Troy Tulowitzki (Houston Asterisks)

OF – Jose Bautista (Drunkin’ Drafters)

OF – Andrew McCutchen (Miami Carlins)

OF – Carlos Gomez (Miami Carlins)

OF – Matt Carpenter (Miami Carlins)

OF – Allen Craig (Miami Carlins)

OF – Michael Cuddyer (Houston Asterisks)

SP – Cliff Lee (Team Boyle)

SP – Jordan Zimmermann (Miami Carlins)

SP – Yu Darvish (Miami Carlins)

SP – Patrick Corbin (The Fuzzy Taints)

SP – Homer Bailey (Houston Asterisks)

SP – Mike Minor (Miami Carlins)

RP – Jason Grilli (Drunkin’ Drafters)

RP – Joe Nathan (Miami Carlins)

RP – Addison Reed (Team Boyle)

RP – Mariano Rivera (The Fuzzy Taints)

Smash+Mouth+-+All+Star+-+5-+CD+SINGLE-139893(Say what you want, Smashmouth is a genius band. Forever and always will this song play whenever an All-Star team is selected)

Congratulations Miami Carlins All-Stars

12 players from the Miami Carlins will be going to Citi Field (that sounds like a punishment) as All-Stars this year.

Congratulations to:

Brett Cecil

Yu Darvish

Joe Nathan

Salvador Perez

Jhonny Peralta

Nelson Cruz

Torii Hunter

Jordan Zimmermann

Allen Craig

Matt Carpenter

Carlos Gomez

Andrew McCutchen

Of course others may be added and hopefully none will be removed due to injury.

My Bad Predictions

Before the season started I thought it would be fun to predict who would win the different awards this season like MVP, Cy Young, and Rookie of the Year as well as predict the final outcomes of the standings. I went back to look at my picks and all I have to say is that there is a reason my last name is not Nostradamus.

nostradamus(Looks nothing like me)

Let’s start off with a possibly correct prediction. I said Mike Trout would win the AL MVP. Right now the clear cut winner is Miguel Cabrera, but Trout still has time. I won’t hold my breath though and no that’s not a bad pun about his last name and its similarity to a fish.

I predicted the AL Cy Young would go to David Price. Not only is Price injured now, he also pitched poorly before going down. It looks as if front runners for the AL Cy Young are Max Scherzer, Yu Darvish, and one of the good Seattle pitchers, Felix Hernandez and Hisashi Iwakuma. When did white guys who weren’t Jewish become such bad American League pitchers?

Rookie of the Year was difficult to predict so I went with Jurickson Profar. He finally got called up and he’s played decent. Certainly he won’t win the award. The American League has yet to have any one rookie set themselves apart and the front runner is either a guy with a 4.60 ERA in Dan Straily, a relief pitcher in Nick Tepesch, or a guy who has only had 60 at-bats in Jose Iglesias. I could sign up and play for the Astros and lead the league in hit by pitches and possibly have a chance at winning.

Moving onto the National League, I predicted Matt Kemp to win the MVP Award. No. Could I have been more wrong? I would say at the moment Carlos Gonzalez is most likely to win the award. Not only is he having an amazing season, the Rockies have been overachieving. If it’s not Cargo, I would go with Paul Goldschmidt. His average has dropped a bit so as long as it doesn’t continue to fall like a menorah off a windowsill he’ll remain near the top.

The NL Cy Young was supposed to go to Stephan Strasburg. He has had some bad luck this year between injuries and not getting the run support he needed. If the season ended today because Bud Selig decided it was a fun twist, Adam Wainwright would win it. Other top candidates include Matt Harvey, Cliff Lee, and Jordan Zimmermann. I’m clearly rooting for Zimmermann. I didn’t make him the team captain of my fantasy baseball team for nothing.

My worst prediction of all was saying Adam Eaton would win the NL Rookie of the Year. The guy hasn’t even played due to an injury. I of course predicted this before I knew he was an injury prone bum. Shelby Miller of the Cardinals looks to be the favorite to win the award with Braves catcher Evan Gattis trailing behind and that one is a bit of a pun because he’s a slow runner.

Just to show that I’m not a complete idiot, Sports Illustrated said Trout would win MVP, Verlander would win Cy Young (8-5 with a 3.72 ERA right now), and Profar would win Rookie of the Year. For the National League they said Bryce Harper would win MVP (.287/12/23 before his injury), Strasburg would win the Cy Young, and Adam Eaton would win the Rookie of the Year. In addition, they named Matt Kemp “Mr. Irreplaceable” (unless of course he only hits 2 home runs so far this season before getting hurt) and Kris Medlen to be the Breakout Pitcher of the Year (4-7 record). The only other bad American League prediction they made was calling Yoenis Cespedes the Breakout Hitter of the Year. A .228/13/36 season with a long injury doesn’t sound like breaking out very much to me.

This shows something very important, I am just as bad as professionals at predicting the future.

The Paralyzed Baseball Player

In this year’s baseball draft the Arizona Diamondbacks drafted a player who was paralyzed during a game in college. This was a kind gesture by the team, but opens my mind up to hatred, jealousy, and an array of offensive jokes. This is just where my mind goes.

How does a paralyzed guy get drafted? I couldn’t even make the 12-year-old travel team in a less than superior league when I was a preteen. I was pretty good too. I could walk…which is the first “step” in playing sports.

I’m incredibly jealous of this guy. Why wouldn’t I be? He will always get to say he was drafted into professional sports and I never will. It’s not fair. This teaches a bad lesson to kids. It’s similar to when they let a retarded kid score a basket or kick a ball off his face and let it bounce into the net at a soccer game. It’s cute, but it teaches us that there are three groups of people. There is the ELITE, the MIDDLE CLASS, and THOSE WE PITY.

The Elite are the people who work hard and cheat their way to the top. The Middle Class are the common folk who desire more and were not given the talent to do it, because not everyone is created equally. Those We Pity are people we are told are so weak that we have to let down our guard and treat them special, like the paralyzed baseball player. I’m sure it meant a lot to him. At the same time, this is a reminder to him how much he is going to miss out on. Even worse, he was originally drafted in 2010 when he had the ability to tap dance, but turned it down for college. An even more important lesson here, college is bad.

Of course the guy would never actually get a chance to play. He was drafted by the Diamondbacks, not the Marlins. I wonder though if he did get the chance to play how it would turn out. What would he do when he got into an argument with an umpire? He can’t kick dirt. He wouldn’t be able to score any “runs” nor would he ever get any “walks.” The announcers would never be able to say “he legged out a triple” because not only would that be an obvious and unneeded mention of his legs, it would also be impossible for someone paralyzed to hit a baseball deep enough into the right field corner then get around the bases that fast. Of course, it’s always possible if Delmon Young is the right fielder. God he is fat.

delmon(A fat Jew-hater. No wonder the media hates him)

I once broke my league while playing baseball. Do you know what I got? A wheelchair to sit in and a semi-interesting story to tell. I also got a hit with a broken leg. Granted, now that leg hurts constantly, but back then we were only 11 games out of a playoff spot with 6 games to go and it meant something.

I don’t feel bad for this guy at all. The rest of his life will be spent doing some sort of work, possibly even front office baseball related due to the story. If not, I’m sure he’ll get taken care of in some way. So with this I announce my plan to get paralyzed publicly because clearly I am not in the Elite, a category you have to reach by the team you reach a certain age. I’m not Those We Pity because people are too mean to me. I’m stuck in the Middle Class. Like an NBA team that finishes with the 8-Seed, I’m stuck forever hoping either I marry royalty or catch a rare disease.

Perhaps I’m wrong about all of this and the guy will play. After all, baseball is 99% mental and 1% physical. With that logic, Stephan Hawking should have the home run record and have a lifetime average of .462. It’s a bullshit quote that mothers used to tell their fat sons. My mother told her fat son it. I think she got baseball confused with sex. Now that’s something that’s 99% mental and 1% physical. Want to please a girl? Lie there stiff as a board for that 1% and let her use the other 99% with her own mental capabilities. If she’s dumb, well, the sex may not be very good for her. But who cares? You still didn’t have to do much and the dumb ones are always the hottest.

pretty_girls_with_pretty_smiles_640_17(Stupid girl. She doesn’t even realize she’s letting someone take a picture of her. Put on a shirt clumsy!)