Category: Team Gold

Round 1 Playoff Results

I didn’t jump to post the results for a particular reason, it took me a week to leave my bedroom. The impossible happened. The Miami Carlins were knocked out of the playoffs in the first round by Team Gold. The score of the game, 324-290.

The final awards for this week look like this. Player of the Week goes to Jayson Werth with 29 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Mike Minor with 3 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Josh Donaldson with 37 points.

There was only one other game this week that mattered, my dad Team Boyle against Stone Cold. Miraculously, Team Boyle pulled out the victory. Even better, Team Boyle in Round 2 is headed toward victory against Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages. Their final score was 323-284. Imagine if my dad and I switched opponents. He would have just barely lost and I would have still been playing ball, actually winning too because JDVS is really getting their asses handed to them.

In Atlanta Slaves’ news…my minor league team has made it to the finals. Currently losing by a bit, the score is still pretty close in many categories. It’s going to come down to the wire for sure.

Next post, I will award the Miami Carlins postseason awards. I could wait until the end of the playoffs, but I know I will be so sad to see my dad beat everyone that I will lose the desire.

So Much Depends on the Weather

The Miami Carlins are close to being eliminated this week. One of the big reasons is because last night there was a long rain delay in Minnesota during Matt Moore’s start. Moore had been cruising before God intervened and poured down liquid hate from the sky. Moore only ended up pitching 3 innings, not even enough to pick up the win.

On the final day of the first round of the playoffs, the Miami Carlins trail Team Gold (am I really going to lose to a team with that name???) 278-241. It’s not completely over as Jordan Zimmermann pitches for the Carlins and Chris Sale pitches for Team Gold and apparently there is rain in the forecast in Cleveland, a team that Sale is 0-3 against this season anyway. The chance to continue playing fantasy baseball games that count is limited and I’m going to need my offensive to pick up the slack today. Allen Craig’s injury has hurt as well as the fall from grace Carlos Gomez has had. Most of all the team’s pitching hasn’t been consistent down the stretch. Oh well. At least my fantasy football team the Cleveland Drowns are already in first place.

cleveland drowns

Week 21 Results

I didn’t do any updates this week because 1) I’ve become very busy and 2) I don’t want anyone knowing how much I suck. Team Gold rolled over my Miami Carlins. We barely stood a chance. The final score was 346-290. Fortunately by the end of yesterday I wasn’t the second top scoring team, which would have made things a lot more frustrating.

Player of the Week goes to Jhoulys Chacin with 32 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Brandon Moss with 33 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Grant Balfour who had 3 saves yet finished with 0 points this week due to a blown save/loss combination.

Let’s take a look at scores from around the league:

Houston Asterisks played spoiler, defeating Stone Cold 326-262

Team Boyle got into the final playoff spot with a 228-168 win over Si Hurricanes

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages decided to help me out with a 300-235 win over The Fuzzy Taints

Drunkin’ Drafter all but eliminated Cecil Cantrell from the post season by defeating them 300-240

The Miami Carlins still have the second bye week and in order to keep it a few things will have to happen. The Carlins will need to either 1) Win or 2) Need Drunkin’ Drafters and Team Boyle to lose. I have done the math and it is almost impossible for the Carlins to not at least make the playoff, even if in the final position.

Some brief Atlanta Slaves news:

The Slaves have officially clinched a playoff spot! Right now the Slaves are 2 games behind two teams tied in first place. There is still a strong battle for the final playoff spot in the league, but the struggle for the Slaves is over, at least until next week.

This is the final week for both the Miami Carlins and the Atlanta Slaves. Both teams will make the playoffs, since the Carlins will win the tie-breakers thanks to their high-scoring ways. This final week matches the Carlins against Stone Cold, a team in a similar position as the Carlins, except they are so far out they will not get a bye week. Stone Cold ignored my trade request so this is a little personal for me. I have a chance to ruin his summer.

pip rain stayed away!

Week 16 Results

The weeks where I get off to a nice start then lose are the worst. Week 16 was one of those weeks. The final score was an eye-pleasing 500-430. Bad pitching for the Carlins plus good pitching for Team Gold contributed to this lopsided score.  I’m tired and sad and don’t want to analyze things anymore. Team Gold has the distinction of being the only team to be the Carlins twice this season. We face off one more time, and you better believe I will be ready.

Player of the Week goes to Carlos Gomez with 41 points. Enemy of the Week goes to the recently acquired Jose Fernandez who earned 59 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Jordan Zimmermann who after two starts finished with -4 points, including one start being -14 points.

The scores from around the league look like this:

Stone Cold beat Houston Asterisks 529-426

Team Boyle got to .500 with a 478-358 victory

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages got back to their winning ways with a 536-510 victory over The Fuzzy Taints

Drunkin’ Drafters squeezed their way into a potential playoff spot by beating Cecil Cantrell 536-458

New from the Atlanta Slaves:

The Slaves are now only 2 games back of the division lead. After a few trades to balance out the team, adding speed and batting average, the Slaves look to be a real threat in the playoffs.

This week the Miami Carlins will face off against Stone Cold. Last time around Stone Cold picked up a late week victory. This time around, I’m going to have to “heat it up” and “chill them out.” Is it obvious that I’m rushing this by adding puns?


Curious, I decided to see what the Carlins pitching record was this week. The answer, 3-10. A win for Matt Moore, Yu Darvish, and Jake Westbrook each. A single loss for Jacob Turner, Grant Balfour, Joe Nathan, Mike Minor, Cole Hamels, and Jhoulys Chacin. Two losses each for Jordan Zimmermann and John Lackey.

What does this mean? It means that if the Miami Carlins can pull off a victory this week we have the offense to thank. The pitching was a strength at the beginning of the season, but lately has been a weakness.

To add insult to injury, Chris Archer has already pitched a shutout today for Team Gold. Hanley Ramirez has been the offensive weapon with a total of 43 points so far. Even with 10 strikeouts and 2 errors Ramirez has been having a monster week. And by monster I mean I hope he gets shot by helicopters while climbing a large building.

king kong(I don’t think there are too many buildings this high in Los Angeles for Ramirez to climb. Unfortunately they make everything as far away from each other as possible. Damn earthquakes)

This extended week has seen the Carlins hit 16 home runs so far. We are at the point in the season where home runs come easier and pitchers turn into Omar Daal. I don’t mean to single Omar Daal out, he’s just my go-to name whenever I need a crappy pitcher to name.


I have been so busy with work that I didn’t get a chance to check what was going on with the Miami Carlins. The fright when I finally did see the results still has me scared stiff.

The Miami Carlins lost their lead to Team Gold. Still, it’s close. Real close. 359-352 close. Both teams have used 11 of their 14 starts too. An extra save can change things. Or you know, a not blown save which I am starting to feel may come back to bite me.

For the Carlins Yu Darvish, Jhoulys Chacin, and Matt Moore will still pitch. Team Gold will toss Chris Sale, Chris Archer, and Jose Fernandez on the mound. If we got bonus points for having pitchers with funny names the Carlins would win. We don’t though. That’s too subjective.

hiram(Hiram Bocachica, the greatest name ever)

Also please check out something I wrote for Yahoo.

A Bad Day

Monday was a great day for the Miami Carlins. When I used the word good it was a true understatement. 123 points in one day is tremendous. Yesterday was the opposite. The offense performed average, but the real problem was in the bullpen. Joe Nathan and Grant Balfour who I praised the day before both blew saves and earned losses. Nathan contributed -7 points with Balfour upping him with -10. Even worse news, Francisco Rodriguez was traded to the Baltimore Orioles where he will not be a closer. What’s happening to the Carlins bullpen?

Team Gold managed to catch up a lot yesterday. Newly acquired Jose Fernandez who was acquired for Giancarlo Stanton beat Miami Carlin pitching Jhoulys Chacin. The news gets worse too. Impending suspensions to Carlins players Nelson Cruz and Jhonny Peralta could ruin the team. Cruz is the team’s main power threat while Peralta has done more than asked after filling in for the disappointing Starlin Castro.

The only advice I have for fantasy baseball owners when it comes to this steroid mess is to trade away every Hispanic player you can. The majority of the names linked to steroids have been Latino. Ryan Braun who saw the fist come down on him for the rest of the season is of course an exception. Braun clearly has no Latin blood in him. I heard he’s a terrible dancer.

ryan-braun-biever2(Ryan Braun doing the only dance he knows, the Macarena)

This extended week’s score still sees the Miami Carlins leading 264-205, points added from early games today.