Category: Washington Nationals

Zimmermann is Guilty

The verdict came in last night just before eight,

We all know where it was going after the second Dodger crossed home plate.

Jordan Zimmermann team captain of the Miami Carlins had so far been reliable,

When he took the mound a win was undeniable.

Then something happened, it got in his way,

Blame the All-Star Break, that boring week off I say.

Zimmermann took the mound and left it with negative 14 points at the end of the game,

If I had been the one pitching for the Nationals, the results would have been for the most part the same.

Team captain Zimmermann swears this was just a fluke,

There is no reason to trade him, take this team to a nuke.

Shit happens even to the best of us sometimes,

Hopefully later this week against the hapless Mets he once again shines.

Jordan Zimmermann Announced as Miami Carlins Captain

In a ceremony held earlier today, Miami Carlins pitcher Jordan Zimmermann had the C sewn onto his jersey. This C of course standing for Captain.

It’s rare in baseball when a team selects a captain. Unlike hockey where it’s necessary, baseball captains are much rarer. Zimmermann was given this award after having pitched 44 innings allowing 8 earned runs with 27 strikeouts. His fantasy totals are at 143, second to only fellow pitcher Yu Darvish.

“I don’t mind [Jordan] getting the honor of captain,” said Darvish through a translator who may or may not have known what he was saying. “He’s overall the most consistent pitcher on the team.”

Fellow pitchers Matt Moore and Mike Minor who are also having nice seasons, especially Moore, were happy to see their teammate receive the honor.

“Jordan’s a great guy,” began Moore. Before he could finish, Minor continued the sentence as the two are practically dating at this point their bromance has gotten so hot and heavy, “He’s pretty much come out of nowhere and taken over as our go-to guy. He eats innings and wins games, plain and simple.”

Ian Kinsler, the Carlin’s leading offensive player this season spoke on behalf of the team’s hitters.

“Traditionally a position player will wear the C on his shirt. Jordan goes above and beyond the call though. He’s remained consistent throughout this season.”

Kinsler then lost hist place on the pre-written speech he had written and attempted to juggled to entertain the reporters. They did not enjoy it.

Congratulation Jordan Zimmermann. You have proven to be a valuable commodity to the Miami Carlins and the Atlanta Slaves.


(I find it very strange that I pretended as if Ian Kinsler was juggling and I found a picture of Jordan Zimmermann doing it)

10 Reasons Why I Hate Bryce Harper

Bryce Harper has become America’s Sweetheart. In some ways this makes him the new Julia Roberts, only less big-lipped. I was stunned in both my fantasy leagues how quickly Bryce Harper was snatched up. One man with a huge crush on him is my dad, my opponent this week and Manager of Team Boyle. I fear he wishes Harper was his son and this is why he always compares me to him. Well, you’re right. Bryce Harper is a lot better than I am. And I blame you Team Boyle. I hope you enjoy your new son because this week it’s him, not me.

bryce harper vampire

(Father and Son enjoying a moment of staring into the camera together)

I hate Bryce Harper for these ten reasons and you should too:

1) Bryce Harper has a GED rather than a high school diploma. What kind of example is this for children? Do you know who else has a GED? Boy George. You heard it first. Bryce Harper is the Boy George of Baseball.

2) Bryce Harper hit 31 home runs setting a new high school record which had previously been 12. In other words, Bryce Harper enjoys rubbing things in people’s faces. I just hope he doesn’t own any chloroform.

3) Bryce Harper is from Las Vegas better known as Sin City. Do you really want to root for someone who does not live a prosperous life? Freddie Freeman on the Miami Carlins is from somewhere called Fountain Valley. That sounds so much nicer.

4) Bryce Harper had a book written about him before he was even famous. Lee Harvey Oswald had the same thing done about him. I just spent the last 15 minutes trying to find it and no longer can. I think this is yet another cover-up, one I will blame Bryce Harper for.

5) Bryce Harper is represented by agent Scott Boras. What this means is he would be willing to sell his own grandma’s soul for an extra buck. And I have met Grandma Harper. She is a sweetheart. Nothing like that evil grandson of hers Bryce.

6) Bryce Harper’s name is Bryce. Ew.

7) Bryce Harper has an older brother named Bryan who played at the University of South Carolina as a Gamecock. Clearly this is a family who picks their colleges based on the silly nicknames. Yet another irresponsible thing by Bryce and his entire family.

8) Bryce Harper is a Mormon. Yep, that means he will steal your wife and your daughters then marry them all in some crazy sex orgy.

9) Bryce Harper drives a Mercedes-Benz with a W insignia for Washington. First you should be upset that he drives a better car than you do. He’s 20 and makes more money than you. There really is no second. This is annoying enough. I really hope he gets traded to a city that has no connection the letter W or even an M. I don’t want him turning that upside down.

10) Bryce Harper is only a month older than Miley Cyrus. Don’t you feel ridiculous for depending on someone like that to win your fantasy baseball season for you? He can’t even legally drink yet.

Crack open a beer in dishonor of Bryce Harper. May he struggle to stay above the Mendoza Line.

How Does Someone Become A Fantasy Baseball Expert?

The answer to the age of old question of “Who are these fantasy baseball experts and what qualifies them?” (I guess that’s two questions) is still unknown to me. I guess one of my missions when I’m not talking about my actual fantasy baseball season(s) is to make myself appear as if I am an expert thus proving it takes little more than watching a little bit, reading a lot, and understanding the game.

Baseball has always been something in the back of my mind. My sports knowledge comes naturally and it started at a young age. It was not until I was even older when I realized all of the little things that had once gone unnoticed. Certainly I am no expert. Experts get paid to do whatever they have an expertise at. They have pictures of them wearing suits and ties on their sites. I don’t own a tie. I own a suit jacket I bought from Goodwill though. That has to count for something.

In this post I would like to compare my season predictions with the ones I found in a recent issue of Sports Illustrated. Yeah, that magazine still exists. A few days ago I made my predictions on where teams will finish. I had not received this magazine until after and now I’m going to see where the experts think teams will finish as opposed to where some dope with a blog thinks they will.

Below my predictions are in regular type and the experts are in italics. Beside their number I have placed the differential either a minus or compared to mine.

AL East

Toronto Blue Jays 94-68

Tampa Bay Rays 92-70

Baltimore Orioles 83-79

New York Yankees 79-83

Boston Red Sox 75-87

Tampa Bay Rays 92-70 (0)

Toronto Blue Jays 91-71 (-3)

New York Yankees 82-80 (+3)

Baltimore Orioles 82-80 (-1)

Boston Red Sox 77-85 (+2)

AL Central

Detroit Tigers 91-71

Chicago White Sox 84-78

Kansas City Royals 79-83

Cleveland Indians 69-93

Minnesota Twins 64-98

Detroit Tigers 94-68 (+3)

Kansas City Royals 83-79 (+4)

Chicago White Sox 81-81 (-3)

Cleveland Indians 75-87 (+6)

Minnesota Twins 60-102 (-4)

AL West

Los Angeles Angels 86-76

Texas Rangers 83-79

Oakland Athletics 77-85

Seattle Mariners 68-94

Houston Astros 52-110

Los Angeles Angels 95-67 (+9)

Texas Rangers 91-71 (+8)

Oakland Athletics 90-72 (+13)

Seattle Mariners 78-84 (+10)

Houston Astros 50-112 (-2)

NL East

Washington Nationals 96-66

Atlanta Braves 85-77

Philadelphia Phillies 82-80

New York Mets 75-87

Miami Marlins 68-94

Washington Nationals 100-62 (+4)

Atlanta Braves 95-67 (+10)

Philadelphia Phillies 82-80 (0)

New York Mets 75-87 (0)

Miami Marlins 60-102 (-8)

NL Central

Cincinnati Reds 92-70

St. Louis Cardinals 87-75

Milwaukee Brewers 84-78

Pittsburgh Pirates 81-81

Chicago Cubs 73-89

Cincinnati Reds 95-67 (+3)

St. Louis Cardinals 83-79 (-4)

Milwaukee Brewers 77-85 (-7)

Pittsburgh Pirates 76-86 (-5)

Chicago Cubs 67-85 (-6)

NL West

Los Angeles Dodgers 89-73

San Francisco Giants 88-74

Arizona Diamondbacks 80-82

Colorado Rockies 72-90

San Diego Padres 71-91

San Francisco Giants 91-71 (+3)

Los Angeles Dodgers 90-72 (+1)

Arizona Diamondbacks 79-83 (-1)

San Diego Padres 71-91 (0)

Colorado Rockies 68-94 (-4)


AL Wild Card: Tampa Bay defeats Chicago (AL)

NL Wild Card: San Francisco defeats St. Louis

AL Wild Card: Toronto defeats Texas

NL Wild Card: Los Angeles (NL) defeats Atlanta

Round 1:

Toronto defeats Tampa Bay (I’m pretty sure the new rules allows them to play each other in the first round)

Los Angeles (AL) defeats Detroit

Toronto defeats Los Angeles (AL)

Tampa Bay defeats Detroit

(We have the same 4 teams reaching the final four with different match-ups. If the match-ups worked out the way they have it I would agree with them, but it would not change the end result)

Washington defeats San Francisco

Los Angeles (NL) defeats Cincinnati

Washington defeats Los Angeles (NL)

Cincinnati defeats San Francisco

(Again, the same exact situation where we have the same four teams. I have more faith in the Los Angeles teams and I see it being really hyped at an all LA World Series)

Round 2:

Toronto defeats Los Angeles (AL)

Washington defeats Los Angeles (NL)

Tampa Bay defeats Toronto

Washington defeats Cincinnatti

World Series:

Toronto defeats Washington in 6

Washington defeats Tampa Bay (they did not say in how many games, cowards)



So what did we learn? The only divisions we disagree on for the most part are the AL West and the NL Central. I see where they are coming from with the AL West as they will each play 18 games against the hapless Astros. They have the NL Central playing pretty pathetic though which does not seem right. Keep in mind I didn’t look at schedules or anything like that which I hope they did. Baseball is a sport with such a minimal win differential. Even the best team, according to them, will lose 62 times. Only in baseball can this happen.

Baseball Opening Day – Praise from Glen Macnow

Yesterday while listening to Sports Radio WIP based out of Philadelphia which I do way more than anyone probably should, a conversation came up between the hosts on my favorite show.

Host Anthony Gargano was complaining to fellow host Glen Macnow about baseball’s opening day and how it means nothing these days. Opening day is Sunday night, Easter Sunday for some reason, and it is a game between the Texas Rangers and the Houston Astros. The Rangers will be pretty good this season once again, but the Astros will have an epic season as far as terrible play is concerned. All sports fans whether you follow baseball or competitive eating is more your thing, can agree this is not a match-up that gets anyone interested.

Anthony and Glen came to the conclusion this was the choice because they are in-state rivals. Up until this season it would have been interleague play, but the Astros are now in the AL West which has causes a lot of pandemonium as far as opponent match-ups is concerned. Every night there will be interleague play this season since both leagues have 15 teams. That means on opening day an AL team will play an NL team and on the final day of the season this will happen again. All throughout the season there will be match-ups that don’t get anyone excited.

I knew this would always happen. When I was younger I envisioned it. In my school planner rather than writing down my homework I would write down fake baseball schedules with interleague games all-throughout. Maybe finally it’s paying off.

Anthony threw out a few other possibilities of opening day match-ups. He didn’t go with the one I thought was perfect, the Baltimore Orioles at the Washington Nationals. Here are a few reasons why:

1) It introduces interleague play from the start

2) It will be taking place in the nation’s capital which means Obama can show up and there might actually be some more hype to it

3) Both teams last year surprised everyone by making the playoffs for the first time in over 10 years (the Nationals technically never making it unless you consider them the Montreal Expos franchise which I do)

praise from glen macnow

Glen Macnow has always been kind enough to respond to me on Twitter whenever I have sent him my garbage opinions. I sent him my thoughts on this in less than 140 characters and he loved it! Then I sat by the computer for an hour hoping he would bring it up on the radio. He never did, but I have photographic evidence anyway. Him mentioning it through spoken word would have lasted only in a blip of time. This lasts forever. It made my day to have one of my favorite radio hosts not only pay attention to what I was saying, but to acknowledge it was a great idea.

Glen Macnow, thank you for entertaining me and other sports fans with your wit, humor, and knowledge of all sports not called soccer. You will probably never read this because I am too chicken to send it to you. It’s probably better that way. Howard Eskin would cry if he knew how much people like you more than they like him.

Picking Players Based On Team – Offense

One fantasy draft strategy a person can consider is picking players based on what team they play for. Personally I believe this is a strategy that can work. Factoring in ballpark, the team’s lineup, the team’s bullpen and other things, you can make decisions on those late round draft picks without having a clue as to who the guy even is.

Top 3 Offensive Teams

When choosing position players you want the most well-rounded you can get. You want someone who hits for average, power, and knocks in a lot of runs. Sorry for stating the obvious, but I needed some sort of introduction here.

Guys like Ryan Braun, Albert Pujols, and Miguel Cabrera have consistently hit for average and power. They are much more valuable than say a Ryan Howard who will hit 40 home runs with a .255 average or a Jose Reyes who will hit .330 but only hit 10 home runs and knock in around 60. When the later draft rounds come, and they will come, pick players from these teams:

Toronto Blue Jays


They are the Vegas favorites this season and the American League team I will be pulling for. Their projected lineup looks to be something from the early 90s Blue Jays days with potential league leaders in several categories. I don’t believe they will win it all but surely their offensive numbers will jump up for just about everyone. There’s no more pitching around Jose Bautista. I expect him to have another fine season as long as he stays healthy.

Overlooked Player: Catcher J.P. Arencibia

He may not be the best catcher to take, but as a backup he should do more than most, especially if the Blue Jays live up to the hype.

Washington Nationals


For the most part they are the Blue Jays of the National League. They are well-rounded in many ways. Their ballpark isn’t particularly for hitters however unless you’re in Colorado or San Diego that rarely makes much of a difference. With 36 games against the Mets and Marlins, expect much of this lineup to put up big numbers.

Overlooked Player: Short Stop Ian Desmond

Short stops are not as good as they used to be. Desmond will supplement what was only for a short time a nice offensive position. He jumps around the lineup a bit which may hurt him. Other than that, Desmond could be a good starting SS for any team.

Arizona Diamondbacks


Rather than go with the Rockies here or even the Anaheim Angels, I decided to pick the Diamondbacks. The big outfield in Arizona has supplied many hitters with a few more doubles than home runs they deserved at times, but the positive is down the right and left field lines. With the absence of Justin Upton this year, others will have a chance to step up. The team is young and right now in baseball young is good. There are no Mike Trouts or Bryce Harpers on the team. Still, guys like Jason Kubel, Cody Ross, or youngster Adam Eaton (no relation to the pitcher, I hope) may have a few more pounds to their slugging percentage.

Overlooked Player: First Baseman Paul Goldschmidt

Maybe not the first baseman of everybody’s dreams, Goldschmidt is still a viable candidate to put up some big offensive numbers. Look to add him as a back-up or as a starter if you somehow forget about getting someone like Prince Fielder.