Tagged: andrew mccutchen

Miami Carlins End of the Year Ceremony Nominations

Here are the nominees for the Miami Carlins Awards.

Player of the Year:

Andrew McCutchen

Matt Carpenter

Yu Darvish

Surprise of the Year:

Matt Carpenter

Jordan Zimmermann

Jayson Werth

Disappointment of the Year:

Starlin Castro

Pablo Sandoval

Nelson Cruz/Jhonny Peralta Suspension

Best Free Agent Signing/Waiver Claim:

Matt Carpenter 4/2

Carlos Gomez 4/23

Torii Hunter 5/15

Draft Pick Steal:

Grant Balfour Round 17 (165 overall)

Mike Minor Round 20 (196 overall)

Jayson Werth Round 24 (236 overall)

Player of the Week Wins: Jhoulys Chacin, Nelson Cruz, Yu Darvish (3), Freddie Freeman (3), Carlos Gomez (3), Cole Hamels (2), Ian Kinsler, Andrew McCutchen (2), Mike Minor (3), Matt Moore (2), Carlos Santana, Jayson Werth, Jordan Zimmermann

Enemy of the Week Wins: Yoenis Cespedes, Chris Davis, Josh Donaldson, Edwin Encarnacian (2), Jose Fernandez, Matt Garza, Tim Hudson, Adam Jones, Jason Kipnis, Cliff Lee, Evan Longoria, Joe Mauer, Brandon Moss, Edward Mujica, Bud Norris, Max Scherzer, Nick Swisher,  Justin Upton, Shane Victorino, Adam Wainwright, David Wright, Ryan Zimmerman

Disappointment of the Week Wins: Grant Balfour, Matt Carpenter, Starlin Castro (2), Allen Craig, Nelson Cruz, Yu Darvish, Jeremy Guthrie, Jose Iglesias, Ian Kinsler, Jason Kubel, Andrew McCutchen, Wade Miley, Mike Minor, Matt Moore, Jhonny Peralta, Pablo Sandoval (2), Jake Westbrook (2), Jordan Zimmermann (3)


Week 7 Results

Saturday did not go as planned. Somehow, Sunday was even worse. Here are a few things that went wrong this weekend:

On Saturday the Carlins offense only combined for 11 points…

On Saturday Ryan Dempster pitched 4.2 innings with the lead, but because he walked 6 guys and gave up 8 hits he was taken out of the game with a no decision and a -3 points for the start…

On Saturday Jordan Zimmermann gave up one earned run and still earned a loss…

On Sunday the Carlins struck out a total of 11 times…

On Sunday Torii Hunter and Carlos Gomez each struck out 3 times….

On Sunday Brandon League blew a save to add -1 points to the total score…

On Sunday the overall point total for the entire team was 5 points, coming from a Joe Nathan save…

Worst of all, the Miami Carlins lost to Team Gold, 310-266.

It was not the Carlin’s best week. In fact, many teams who had done well so far struggled and either lost or came close to losing. It was a week for the underdogs. Not much changed in the playoff picture, but all teams are inching closer to each other.

Player of the Week goes to Andrew McCutchen who earned 36 points. It would have gone to Jordan Zimmermann, but I’m holding a grudge against him because the one earned run he gave up was on a throwing error by him. Disappointment of the Week goes to Ian Kinsler who earned 0 points this week and is now on the disabled list with a rib injury. I would have given this to Ryan Dempster and his pitiful performance, but instead I gave him walking papers and replaced him with A.J. Griffin. Ryan Dempster will now be “Thee Who Shall Not Be Named.” Enemy of the Week goes to Edward Mujica. The St. Louis Cardinals closer earned 30 points. Closers aren’t supposed to do that!

edward mujica

(This guy put up 30 points against the Carlins this week???? This guy????? This guy who agrees to take a picture with a naked sleeping infant on his forearm??????)

A rumor has circulated around the locker room that management is not happy with this loss at all. Ryan Dempster’s release may be the start of more to come, however, most of the reporters covering the team are gossips so who knows?

Now for some other scores in the league:

Houston Asterisks got their second win of the season over Stone Cold, 278-242

In a battle of 2-4 teams, Team Boyle came out on top over Si Hurricanes, 327-257

Cecil Cantrell edged out the last place Drunkin’ Drafters 281-274

Finally the biggest surprise of the week, The Fuzzy Taints handed Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages their first loss, 311-246

It’s clear from these scores that something fishy happened this week. The Houston Asterisks aren’t supposed to win. Team Boyle isn’t supposed to win either, they were beaten by the hapless Houston Asterisks. Drunkin’ Drafters stink and Cecil Cantrell is a good team so that’s no surprise. But Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages to go down so poorly, to have the second worst score of the week, are players his players no longer cheating?

Now it’s time for a brief mention of my Yahoo league:

The Atlanta Slaves continued their losing streak by ending the week with a 6-9 score. Thanks to a Fernando Rodney and Jim Johnson blown save, 2 of the 6 points were earned, helping the Atlanta Slaves to maintain their first place lead.

For both teams it’s important to move on from last week and onto the new one. The Miami Carlins will be playing this week against Stone Cold, a team with a 3-4 record. It’s important for the Carlins to get back to their winning ways. A loss could drop them down to the fourth spot in the playoffs which nobody wants, especially not me because I guess I’m the only one really invested in winning this.



Two days left and the Miami Carlins are down by 24 points. The score right now is 251-227. Team Gold has used 6 of its 7 starts and the Miami Carlins have only used 5. This week will come down to the wire.



Chris Sale had a 34 point day for Team Gold yesterday. In response, the Carlins offense finally had a decent day, scoring 37 points in total. Andrew McCutchen led the way with 11 points and finally seems to be putting up Andrew McCutchen type numbers.

“I was a little worried being on a video game cover this year that it might mess with my play on the field,” said McCutchen. “I believe in all that paranormal stuff. Why would someone ever lie about ghosts?”

McCutchen spent the rest of the interview shushing reporters and trying to figure out why anyone would ever make up ghosts. When he returned home he saw an episode of Long Island Medium and suddenly, it clicked.

The Carlins will be using their final two starts today. Jordan Zimmermann and Ryan Dempster will both be taking the mound. In addition, Team Gold will use their final start. Anibal Sanchez goes for them. Sanchez will pitch against the Texas Rangers. This is a team that has a career .356 batting average against Sanchez. Sometimes though you don’t want to get too into statistics like that. Sanchez has an ERA near 2.00 and already had an 18 strikeout game recently. Team Gold’s other options would be Lance Lynn against Milwaukee today or Wade Miley against the Miami Marlins tomorrow. Sanchez may be the best option because he tends to pitch deep innings and get lots of strikeouts. The downfall will be when Miami Carlins Ian Kinsler and Nelson Cruz both hit grand slams off him. Hey, it can happen.

Considering the Carlins offense is much deeper and better than the offense on Team Gold, even if the Carlins are not in the lead at the end of today I have faith they will make it up tomorrow with the bats.

“What do I care if we win or not this week?” said Team Gold first baseman Paul Goldschmidt. “I was on the bench yesterday and I hit two home runs. I put up 21 points! It was all for nothing now. My name is practically the team name. This is a crime.”

Goldschmidt went to his locker and began tossing his menorah around wildly. Security subdued him, but tension remains for now.


(In an act of betrayal, Paul Goldschmidt has thrown away all ties to the Jewish faith. He plans to legally change his name to Paul Hernandezschmidt by the end of the day)

Week 4 Results

Week 4 was a similar week for everybody. Unlike in previous weeks where it came down to the wire, this week was full of blowouts. The match-up between your Miami Carlins and The Fuzzy Taints was no different. The Carlins won by a score of 346-245. For those of you who do not understand math, this is a 101 point different. A lot of this week came down to The Fuzzy Taints front office managers choosing the wrong pitchers to use. I can Monday -Morning Quarterback now easily after the fact. Looking back at the stats their pitchers put up a 7, a 4, and a -6 it’s clear the rotation lost it.

Player of the Week goes to pitcher Matt Moore. He won 2 games in 14 innings with only 2 earned runs and 18 strikeouts. After all was said and done he contributed 57 points to lead the team. Honorable mention goes to Jordan Zimmermann for his one hit shutout. The pitching staff carried the Carlins this week. Offense, pick it up next week.

matt moore

Enemy of the Week goes to Edwin Encarnacion. He hit 4 home runs and may have even hit more as he was not in the starting lineup every day for The Fuzzy Taints. When a guy hits two home runs in one game, you play him the rest of the week. That’s all I’m saying.

Disappointment of the Week goes to Andrew McCutchen. My first overall pick has not performed up to snuff this season. During Saturday’s game he was taken out late and spent Sunday sitting on the bench. Hopefully my phone call to Pirates’ manager Clint Hurdle to get into McCutchen’s head works.

Let’s go over some scores from around the league to see how all those other losers did:

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages continued their undefeated streak by absolutely destroying Stone Cold, 334-218

Cecil Cantrell kept Si Hurricane’s losing streak going which I started with a 280-248 victory

After losing the first two weeks, Team Gold got back to .500 with a 364-288 win over Drunkin’ Drafters

The Houston Asterisks got their first win as if they weren’t even trying over Team Boyle 243-231

The top three teams have been set and don’t seem to be changing anytime soon. Miami Carlins, Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages, and Cecil Cantrell. After that it gets a little iffy. Is Team Boyle any good if they can lose to a once win-less team? Team Gold got off to a rocky start, but are they getting the hang of things. Half the league is tied for the 6th and final playoff spot with a 1-3 record. Match-ups like the one between the brothers Drunkin’ Drafters and The Fuzzy Taints this week can change the way the standings look drastically.

News from my Yahoo league and the Atlanta Slaves, I continue to remain in first place. The only warning sign I have right now is the second place team trails me by only 4.5 games since he had a better week than I did. As long as I keep consistent I should be able to make the playoffs easily. I’m at the point right now where I almost seem to have too many good players on that team which makes me wonder who everyone else has when I have to drop Andre Ethier in favor of guys coming off the disabled list. It’s no wonder the last place team has Derek Jeter and Mark Texiera on them.

This week my opponent is the Houston Asterisks. My lifelong best friend and I go mono-e-mono or however that phrase is spelled. Could he be riding high on last week’s victory? Defeating my father was one thing, defeating me will be another story.

Mid-Opening Day Report

How are the Miami Carlins doing so far? Not very good. The horribly unoriginally named Team Boyle leads Miami Carlins 57-10. Thanks in part to a two home run game by Bryce Harper and a stellar performance from Stephen Strasburg, Team Boyle has gotten out to an early lead. In this league each team is allowed 8 starts a week. It may actually be 7 with this week being an exception, I’m not sure and don’t feel like asking the commissioner. Team Boyle has already used two starts. He received 12 points from Texas starter Matt Harrison yesterday and another 26 from Strasburg today. Take away those 38 points and this is a much closer match-up. Bryce Harper is the only player for Team Boyle who has provided any offense for him. The Nationals play two more games against the Miami Marlins this week. I will be praying for rain/a power outage.

So far top pick Andrew McCutchen has supplied the most points for the Miami Carlins. The opening day starter for the Carlins is Cole Hamels and he will be taking the mound very shortly. A stellar outing will get the team back on track to helping me take down my father. Not since Luke battled Darth have a son and father been so at each other’s throats. And as was the case with them, Darth got off to an early lead when he caught off Luke’s arm. Not to spoil a 30 year old movie for you or anything, but Luke eventually wins. I’m not getting myself down. Tomorrow Yu Darvish and Jarrod Parker will get starts for the squadron. If only one of them can pitch a perfect game then I cane take a drastic lead.


In Atlanta Slaves news, the complete opposite has been happening. I have used starts from Matt Harrison, C.C. Sabathia, and Matt Cain. Harrison and Sabathia pitched poorly receiving losses while Cain pitched well and was/will be awarded a no decision. The only plus with Harrison and Sabathia were the amount of strikeouts they helped get me. This is a Yahoo league where the scoring is different. You get one point for each category you are better than your opponent at. Whoever has more hits gets one point. Whoever has a better WHIP gets one point and so on. A good offensive showing by the team has given the Atlanta Slaves a nice lead over a team known as Big Fish. Based on my opponent’s team name alone, I should take this week easily once I finally get a pitcher to perform well.

Miami Carlins – Spring Training Report

Down in Florida this spring, several members of the Miami Carlins franchise have been lighting up the scoreboard. Do baseball scoreboards light up? Not really. It’s more of a figure of speech.

Recent acquisition Dominic Brown leads the league in runs, hits, and is second in runs scored. Can he crack the Miami Carlins starting lineup? Has the Philly Phenom Phinally Phound his potential?

Back-up first baseman and starting utility man Freddie Freeman has hit 7 home runs this spring, leading all of the league. Could Allen Craig’s job be in jeopardy?

Bench player Michael Moustakas has hit .460 this spring. Last year in his first full season he hit a pathetic .242. Could the former number one pick turn things around this season?

Pitcher Jordan Zimmerman has struggled this spring. He’s gotten a lot of innings in and as any expert will tell you, spring training stats mean nothing. Tell that to Jon Lester who is 3-0 with a 0.90 ERA.

How has Miami Carlins number one pick Andrew McCutchen done this spring? Not well. In 33 at bats he’s hitting only .212. Again, don’t look too deep into these stats as Yasiel Puig currently leads the majors in batting average. He wears number 66 which not only means he’s probably not cracking the big league roster, he may also be a Satan worshipper.