Tagged: cole hamels

It’s Going To Take…

What’s it going to take tomorrow for the Miami Carlins to win the first round bye?

Right now the Carlins trail Stone Cold 224-216. Stone Cold still has 2 starts yet, but only one starter scheduled for tomorrow thanks to a Felix Hernandez injury. Bartolo Colon will pitch against Houston. The last time Colon faced the hapless Houston team he earned 0 fantasy baseball points. Cole Hamels will pitch for the Carlins tomorrow against the Braves, a team he has seen plenty over the years.

So what’s it going to take? Hopefully Stone Cold doesn’t realize King Felix is injured. The beginning of football season may help. A bad start by Colon, a nice one by Hamels, and a Miami Carlins offensive explosion are what it will take. Worst case scenario, I lose this week and have to play Team Gold next week in the first round of the playoffs.  Considering they gave me a hard time all season, I’m hoping Hamels can hold the Braves hitless for 9 innings and Bartolo Colon finally gets suspended for cheating. Too bad he never knew you were supposed to lift weights when you take steroids.

bartolo colon(I suppose when your name is Colon you are destined for making mistakes)

Advice: Don’t Get Ahead of Yourself

This epic match-up of first place teams this week has started off well for the Miami Carlins. After Day One the score was 47-41 in favor of the Carlins. After Day Two, yesterday, the score 95-84, where we remain right now. The best thing about this is that my opponent this week, Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages, have been getting more points from their starters than I have. Mike Minor only got me 14 points in a no decision and Cole Hamels added a reasonable 22 with his win. On the Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages front, Matt Garza earned 25 points and Adam Wainwright tallied 27. The difference right now has been the two team’s offenses. The Miami Carlins have been consistent so far this week. The way I see it, as long as we can keep pace with JDVS and have a better offense, we may be able to take down their top tier pitching.

My advice to myself today is not to get ahead of myself. I was close the last time we faced each other and it all fell apart in the end. I’m hoping this time around though the results are different. I can see a Miami Carlins win this week. The way I see it, we are only about 4 wins away from clinching a playoff spot. Of course I don’t just want a playoff spot. I want to win. Going into the All-Star break with a 9-6 record would be nice. The rest of my games this season are against teams in the East Division, the division that appeared stronger at first but has since began to falter. The season marches on. I just have to take it one week at a time. Or maybe one day. Let’s stick to one at-bat.

Jeremy Guthrie and How Much I Hate Him

Jeremy Guthrie you had one job to do,

Jeremy Guthrie success this season for you was new,

Jeremy Guthrie why’d you have to get minus 8 points,

Jeremy Guthrie in your body I wish to break every joint.


That’s just a little poem to express my dismay for Jeremy Guthrie who was signed to replace Yu Darvish whose start was pushed back this week because Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington hates me. Jeremy Guthrie was going to pitch against the worst offense in baseball, the Chicago White Sox. He had already pitched a shutout against them a few weeks ago. This should have been a breeze. Instead he only lasted 2 1/3 innings. This was probably for the best because surely he would have given up even more runs and walked even more guys if he was in there for longer.

Yesterday was supposed to be a day where the Carlins got way out ahead. The team should have closer to 250 points. I’m not greedy. That’s all I expected. Instead Guthrie gets -8 points and Cole Hamels gets 7 in his loss. The bullpen was a saving grace of the team though. Joe Nathan and Grant Balfour got clean saves and Francisco Rodriguez for some reason was used in the 8th inning and pitched perfect with 2 strikeouts. By the end of the day’s games, the Carlins only lost 1 point on their lead over The Fuzzy Taints. The score rests 224-185 in favor of the Miami Carlins, but for how long?

The Fuzzy Taints have three starts left in their rotation. Jered Weaver played yesterday and only got 3 points so I’m going to hope this happens a few more times. The Carlins offense is do for a breakout day so I’m expecting that to happen too. I can only recall two times this season where offensive players on the Carlins hit two home runs in one game. Earlier this week with Nelson Cruz as well as earlier in the season with Carlos Gomez. It seems like it’s always happening against me though.

The final three starts for The Fuzzy Taints go today. Let’s hope the Astros, the Angels, and the Reds all have good steroid masking agents and corked bats ready to help me out. Maybe they could ask Jhonny Peralta and Nelson Cruz? After all, it was the paper trail that got them in trouble.

Let the Good Times Roll

The Miami Carlins have continued their back to the basics week. The basics of course being winning. Cole Hamels pitched terrific last night as did Jeremy Guthrie. A good managerial decision was made on my part by not playing Matt Moore against the best hitting team in baseball, the Detroit Tigers. Moore earned -15 points in his start. The Carlins lead Cecil Cantrell 188-118. The only thing right now is to hope the final two starts for the Carlins this week, one by Yu Darvish and one by Jordan Zimmermann, continue the streak of positive news. Cecil Cantrell has only used one start, but as stated in an earlier post, the match-ups are not the best.

Cecil Cantrell needs to average about 15 points a start in order to catch up. It’s very possible and can still happen, but as is the case with everything in life other than daily self-doubt, there are no guarantees.


Week 8 Results



You gotta be kidding me.

Another loss for the Miami Carlins? What went wrong this week? Every little thing that could. I can blame Thursday’s small schedule and that being the day where Josh Willingham hit two home runs as the problem. I can blame Cole Hamels for losing twice in one week. I can blame the Carlins offense for continuing to struggle. I can blame all of the strikeouts. I can blame all of the walks the pitchers give up. I can blame Max Scherzer who won two games for Stone Cold. There’s so much to blame. Then I see the score, 315-299. Things were so much closer at one point. The day yesterday finished off with Kevin Gregg getting a win for Stone Cold, Joe Nathan blowing a save for Miami Carlins, and my last hope Freddie Freeman striking out four times against the Mets. What is going on in the world?

Player of the Week goes to Mike Minor who turned out a 31 point pitching performance. Disappointment of the Week goes to Cole Hamels. Yes he may have earned 30 points, but it took him two starts and he lost them both. If he won then we add back on the 3 points he got from the loss and tack on another 5. Look at that, this week would have been a tie. Enemy of the Week goes to Max Scherzer who won two games and earned a total of 54 points. It’s always easy to pick a pitcher as the enemy, especially when they pitch well twice in one week. Did you hear that Cole? It’s not illegal to pitch well twice in one week.

Now for the scores from around the league:

Cecil Cantrell lucked out and was up against the Houston Asterisks, a team that is half on strike due to their hatred of the low-flow toilets installed by the owner. They took this game 245-221

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages must have been Gandhi in a past life because after ending the day trailing by one, grounded into doubleplays, errors, and balks were factored in and they ended up beating Team Boyle 282-281

The Fuzzy Taints continued a nice winning streak and helped earn the West some respect. They beat Team Gold 288-282 to end Team Gold’s 5 game winning streak

In a battle of last place teams, Drunkin’ Drafters got their first win in a long time, beating the Si Hurricanes 275-252

Now for Atlanta Slaves news:

Things are getting tighter in this league. After starting off with a gigantic lead, the Atlanta Slaves are down to a half game lead. Since week two the Atlanta Slaves have been in first place. A loss this week will ensure things will change. I’m sure the rest of the league will enjoy seeing us out of the top spot for the first time in almost two months.

yahoo standings(Cleveland Steamers are also owned by the same person who owns the Houston Asterisks and they too are on strike and never change their lineups because of the whole low-flow toilet controversy)

This week I face off against Team Boyle again for the second and last time. I’ve played every time except for Cecil Cantrell, the commissioner. I’m thinking he made the schedule and fears the Miami Carlins. Our match-up will happen next week, but this week it’s a family affair. I feel bad that Team Boyle didn’t get a win last week against Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages because now he’s going to have to lose again to me. No child should ever have to beat his father at fantasy baseball. I will though.


Coming into Sunday against Stone Cold, the Miami Carlins lead 284-266. Even more impressive could be the fact that Carlins seem to almost always keep pace with the higher scoring teams each week. This week Stone Cold is ranked third in points. With any other opponent, they might be looking at an easy victory.

One thing to look at with this week’s match-up is whether Stone Cold lost or if the Miami Carlins won. Not that it’s over yet, but here’s hoping to it.

Max Scherzer in his first start for Stone Cold earned 32 points. Last night, Derek Holland earned 27. After these two there is a major fall-off in points earned by starting pitchers.  Bronson Arroyo and Tommy Milone both earned 12, Justin Masterson added 7, and just last night Felix Hernandez tacked on a measly 6. Scherzer goes again today for Stone Cold, hoping to repeat what he did his first time around.

The Carlins have had a similar week with starting pitching. Last night Mike Minor earned 31 points and after him there is significantly less points earned by each of the starting pitchers, the lowest being 10 points for Yu Darvish.

Since starting pitching is a main component in this league, some saying the most important part, the Miami Carlins have decided to designate one of their starting pitching spots as the “ringer” position. A.J. Griffin was brought in this week to pitch against the Houston Astros. He earned 16 points last night. Immediately following the victory, he was released in favor of Jerome Williams who will be facing the Astros later this week.

Astros-2013-Jerseys(When your team only has a few more wins 2 months in than you do jerseys, it’s time to stop being a baseball team and start your own clothing line)

I’m still not completely confident in my pitching rotation overall. Yu Darvish, Jordan Zimmermann, Matt Moore, and Mike Minor are more than reliable. I still have faith that Cole Hamels will get with the program. My feelings about Brandon Morrow are complicated. Unless he’s up against the Astros or he starts pitching more consistent, I’m afraid to start him. His last outing was not a bad one so maybe soon he will fall back into the fold and not just be a wasted roster spot.

Speaking of wasted roster spots, I’m still not sure if a release for Brandon League should happen once J.J. Putz is back. I like the availability of a fourth closer in case of an injury or one for sure will not be pitching, but that is also a spot that could be better spent on a starting pitcher. Perhaps if one of the ringers turns out to be more than that I can transfer it over. With only 5 starting pitchers that aren’t going anywhere, the possibilities are endless. Or at least they go until they can end.

18 points up on Stone Cold, the Miami Carlins will push Cole Hamels out onto the mound while Stone Cold does the same for Max Scherzer. A win will get the Carlins back to their winning ways. A third straight loss and well, it’s not going to be good.

So How Are Things Going So Far?

I like when people ask me how things are going and they’re sincere about it. How are things going for me right now? I’m sweaty, tired, full of pizza, and know I may not have a chance to do an update tomorrow morning as I didn’t this morning so let’s talking about how things are going so far.

Cole Hamels pitched well yesterday and got a loss. Yu Darvish pitched well today and will probably get a loss by the time I finish writing this. That is unless Grant Balfour blows a save for me. With the way things have gone for the Miami Carlins in the last two weeks, it’s possible.

The offense has continued to struggle. Jayson Werth, Ian Kinsler, and J.J. Putz are all out with injuries, which has forced other outfielders into the mix, given Matt Carpenter a starting role at second base with Neil Walker filling in on occasion, and placed Brandon League as the team’s third closer. Things are not cheerful in Carlins land.

Things for Stone Cold have been well. Max Scherzer earned 32 points for them today and the offense has done better than that of the Carlins. As I’ve told myself the last two weeks at this point, it’s still early. When an infant misbehaves, you don’t just give up on it. You continue to push through and work hard. The only real positive this week is Jason Kubel is finally hitting. I’d make up a fake interview for Jason Kubel, but my forehead is soaked in sweat and he hasn’t earned that privilege yet.

Currently, with many possibilities of things changing, Stone Cold leads 59-52. It’s a good thing the weather outside is heating up because me and the Carlins plan to make Stone Cold melt. Is it that obvious the heat is getting to me that I’m failing at puns?


Okay, I’m Getting A Bit Nervous

The last two weeks I’ve headed into the weekend with a sizable lead. Then again, the last two weeks I was up against teams with only 1 win. I knew battling against Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages would be a tough one. Never did I think it would remain as close as it is.

Yesterday was a low scoring day for both teams. Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages outscored the Miami Carlins by a point, which in most cases isn’t so bad except 8 of the Carlin’s points came from starting pitcher Cole Hamels. The Carlins have now used 5 of their 7 starts while JDVS have only used 3. Today they have going Phil “Pukes” Hughes and Jose “Only the Phillies Can’t Hit Me” Fernandez. As the score rests at 158-134 in favor of the Miami Carlins, I’m fairly confident at least Hughes or Fernandez will get rocked, but will have to wait to see since I have yet to complete my time machine.

Jose Fernandez was signed by JDVS following the release of Johnathon Niese only hours earlier and already he’s expected to take the mound.

“I’m ready,” said Fernandez. “I’m not nervous or anything that this week may all come down to how I perform.

Fernandez then excused himself to throw up into a toilet.

jose fernandez

(For those wondering, the vomit did match his glove)

So much of this league is about pitching and measuring how many starts ahead you are than your opponent. If both Fernandez and Hughes average 12 points then things are essential even. Tomorrow I have Yu Darvish pitching against the Astros which if we remember back to his first start of the year, was a near perfect game. A repeat would help out the Carlins a lot.

“Remaining undefeated is a big part of this team’s allure,” said Miami Carlin Ryan Raburn. “When I came here I didn’t quite know what to expect.  Now I know, it’s all or nothing.”

Raburn attempted to use Morse Code warning reporters that the team’s manager have threatened players with their lives if they do not succeed. Only one reporter was familiar with Morse Code and since he was so old, nobody believed him.

Important Games

Today is the most important day for this week’s match-up. The Carlins have a healthy 131-84 lead which could be in jeopardy as taking the mound today for the Drunkin’ Drafters are Justin Verlander and David Price. These are the two big arms Drunkin’ Drafters have going for them. Poor performances by them both could solidify an early victory for America’s Fantasy Baseball Team, the Miami Carlins.

Injuries have so far been a big problem for the Drunkin’ Drafters. Corey Hart started the season on the disabled list and was recently joined by Jose Reyes after Reyes twisted his ankle dancing during another ESPN commercial. Jose Bautista and Jason Kipnis are the position players currently listed as day-to-day. Kipnis’s injury is said to be suffering from self-loathing. His poor performance on the field this season has him retreating to hiding in his home and refusing to come out, thus the day-to-day status and not placing him on the disabled list.

Andy Pettitte also has some nagging injuries which are said to be caused by “being incredibly ancient.”

The Drunkin’ Drafters have one of the weaker lineups with all of these injuries. Players like Alex Rios have gotten off to hot starts, but how long can it last? Alex is not a Spanish name. Surely at some point he will realize this then question is entire existence and possibly leave the team to find his birth parents.

I sat down with the team earlier today to tell them how important today is, especially starting pitcher Cole Hamels. Hamels has been a bit of a disappointment so far this year. AJ Burnett earned 32 points for the Drunkin’ Drafters yesterday. It’s time for Hamels to step up and do something the same.


Broken, Not Beaten

The injury bug has the Miami Carlins hard lately. First Freddie Freeman went down early last week. Now OF Jason Kubel is out. Catcher Carlos Santana has missed almost a full week after starting off the season with a .500 batting average. Rounding out the pain, OF Franklin Gutierrez is listed as day-to-day. With the injuries piling up, next week looks to be a more difficult one for “America’s Fantasy Baseball Team.”

Yesterday ended positively for the Carlins. The Si Hurricanes had three pitchers going with the Carlins only having one, Cole Hamels. Still, the Carlins led the day 31-30 leaving us with a 252-183 score headed into Sunday. Hamels earned a no decision, but had his first positive outing of the season.

“I was really looking forward to getting my first win,” said Hamels post-game. “But I guess I don’t really care because I get to go home and climb on that hot chick from Survivor who got naked for Oreos. You would not believe what she does for a peanut butter cup.”

The pitching staff for the Si Hurricanes struggled yesterday. Jon Lester started off the day for them on a positive note earning 18 points, but after that things went downhill. Brett Anderson earned -4 points and Phil Hughes vomited up a -12. Today the Si Hurricanes have three guys pitching even though only one start is available to them. I have contacted the Office of the Commissioner by posting a random note on the league’s homepage. I believe the punishment is you lose your best pitching scores based on however many players you use. I’m still not positive though. It’s messing with my strategy on whether to use my final start on Brandon Morrow, Jarrod Parker, or neither out of fear they will continue to pitch poorly as they have all season long.

It’s looking as if next week’s match-up will be against yet another undefeated team. At most three teams will head into Week 3 with a zero in the loss column and at least two will. The season is still young and anything can change. Injuries can be the determining factor for a fantasy over anything else. It’s important you have a great bench, which I believe I do have. Salvador Perez has filled in well for Carlos Santana despite not being named after a musician. Jayson Werth has seen a lot of playing time due to Jason Kubel’s infrequent play. Domonic Brown has performed well when he’s been in the lineup and Neil Walker has had his moments. Alexei Ramirez has seen little playing time and could eventually down the line be used as trade bait. The Carlins are a very well-rounded team and through these first two weeks I have faith the team will continue on down the road to a championship


(I was going to say this was Jayson Werth, but Chewbacca ruined it by being left-handed. Who would have thought?)