Tagged: ian kinsler

Week 20 Results

We’re nearing the end of the season and the playoffs are less than 2 weeks away. If I have my way, in 2 week the Miami Carlins will have a bye week. Week 20 didn’t help any as the Miami Carlins lost the Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages 355-322.

Player of the Week honors go to Ian Kinsler with 24 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Evan Longoria with 33 points aka the amount I lost by. Disappointment of the Week goes to Wade Miley with 8 points. It was a close battle for this award and I almost gave it to the Starlin Castro/Jose Iglesias combo. Miley wins it because he couldn’t even beat the Phillies and because of his twerking performance at the VMAs.

miley-cyrus-twerking

 

Now for scores from around the league:

Houston Asterisks fought Team Gold and earned a win, 320-293

Team Boyle snuck their way back into a possible playoff spot with a 309-216 win over Cecil Cantrell

Stone Cold narrowed out Drunkin’ Drafters 274-256

Si Hurricanes got their first win since…I can’t count that high. They beat The Fuzzy Taints, 342-243

Now for Atlanta Slaves news:

The Slaves lost their first place position, but are only 3.5 games out of first. The playoffs are near inevitable, unless there is an epic collapse. The only prize in this league is a ring and I have gross fingers so I’m going more for pride.

This week the Miami Carlins face off against Team Gold. Already the Carlins trail 46-26, but still have all 7 starts while Team Gold has already used one. The way I see it, one more win and the Carlins clinch a playoff bye. Most likely The Fuzzy Taints and Drunkin’ Drafters will not catch-up in points scored, the first tie-breaker used to determine playoff positioning. Here’s hoping the Carlins can close this thing out a week early.

So How Are Things Going So Far?

I like when people ask me how things are going and they’re sincere about it. How are things going for me right now? I’m sweaty, tired, full of pizza, and know I may not have a chance to do an update tomorrow morning as I didn’t this morning so let’s talking about how things are going so far.

Cole Hamels pitched well yesterday and got a loss. Yu Darvish pitched well today and will probably get a loss by the time I finish writing this. That is unless Grant Balfour blows a save for me. With the way things have gone for the Miami Carlins in the last two weeks, it’s possible.

The offense has continued to struggle. Jayson Werth, Ian Kinsler, and J.J. Putz are all out with injuries, which has forced other outfielders into the mix, given Matt Carpenter a starting role at second base with Neil Walker filling in on occasion, and placed Brandon League as the team’s third closer. Things are not cheerful in Carlins land.

Things for Stone Cold have been well. Max Scherzer earned 32 points for them today and the offense has done better than that of the Carlins. As I’ve told myself the last two weeks at this point, it’s still early. When an infant misbehaves, you don’t just give up on it. You continue to push through and work hard. The only real positive this week is Jason Kubel is finally hitting. I’d make up a fake interview for Jason Kubel, but my forehead is soaked in sweat and he hasn’t earned that privilege yet.

Currently, with many possibilities of things changing, Stone Cold leads 59-52. It’s a good thing the weather outside is heating up because me and the Carlins plan to make Stone Cold melt. Is it that obvious the heat is getting to me that I’m failing at puns?

coldstonecreamery

Week 7 Results

Saturday did not go as planned. Somehow, Sunday was even worse. Here are a few things that went wrong this weekend:

On Saturday the Carlins offense only combined for 11 points…

On Saturday Ryan Dempster pitched 4.2 innings with the lead, but because he walked 6 guys and gave up 8 hits he was taken out of the game with a no decision and a -3 points for the start…

On Saturday Jordan Zimmermann gave up one earned run and still earned a loss…

On Sunday the Carlins struck out a total of 11 times…

On Sunday Torii Hunter and Carlos Gomez each struck out 3 times….

On Sunday Brandon League blew a save to add -1 points to the total score…

On Sunday the overall point total for the entire team was 5 points, coming from a Joe Nathan save…

Worst of all, the Miami Carlins lost to Team Gold, 310-266.

It was not the Carlin’s best week. In fact, many teams who had done well so far struggled and either lost or came close to losing. It was a week for the underdogs. Not much changed in the playoff picture, but all teams are inching closer to each other.

Player of the Week goes to Andrew McCutchen who earned 36 points. It would have gone to Jordan Zimmermann, but I’m holding a grudge against him because the one earned run he gave up was on a throwing error by him. Disappointment of the Week goes to Ian Kinsler who earned 0 points this week and is now on the disabled list with a rib injury. I would have given this to Ryan Dempster and his pitiful performance, but instead I gave him walking papers and replaced him with A.J. Griffin. Ryan Dempster will now be “Thee Who Shall Not Be Named.” Enemy of the Week goes to Edward Mujica. The St. Louis Cardinals closer earned 30 points. Closers aren’t supposed to do that!

edward mujica

(This guy put up 30 points against the Carlins this week???? This guy????? This guy who agrees to take a picture with a naked sleeping infant on his forearm??????)

A rumor has circulated around the locker room that management is not happy with this loss at all. Ryan Dempster’s release may be the start of more to come, however, most of the reporters covering the team are gossips so who knows?

Now for some other scores in the league:

Houston Asterisks got their second win of the season over Stone Cold, 278-242

In a battle of 2-4 teams, Team Boyle came out on top over Si Hurricanes, 327-257

Cecil Cantrell edged out the last place Drunkin’ Drafters 281-274

Finally the biggest surprise of the week, The Fuzzy Taints handed Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages their first loss, 311-246

It’s clear from these scores that something fishy happened this week. The Houston Asterisks aren’t supposed to win. Team Boyle isn’t supposed to win either, they were beaten by the hapless Houston Asterisks. Drunkin’ Drafters stink and Cecil Cantrell is a good team so that’s no surprise. But Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages to go down so poorly, to have the second worst score of the week, are players his players no longer cheating?

Now it’s time for a brief mention of my Yahoo league:

The Atlanta Slaves continued their losing streak by ending the week with a 6-9 score. Thanks to a Fernando Rodney and Jim Johnson blown save, 2 of the 6 points were earned, helping the Atlanta Slaves to maintain their first place lead.

For both teams it’s important to move on from last week and onto the new one. The Miami Carlins will be playing this week against Stone Cold, a team with a 3-4 record. It’s important for the Carlins to get back to their winning ways. A loss could drop them down to the fourth spot in the playoffs which nobody wants, especially not me because I guess I’m the only one really invested in winning this.

One-Hitters, Double Plays, and Errors

Here are some statistics from this week for the Miami Carlins that will make you wonder how we have gone this long without losing.

Grounded into Double Plays: 9! 9 double plays have been hit by the Carlins. 4 of them belong to Pablo Sandoval.

Errors: 5! 5 errors made by the Carlins. 3 of them belong to Ian Kinsler, 2 of them yesterday alone.

Strikeouts: 33! I’m not sure if this is normal or not, but the fact that it’s tied with the amount of singles we have this week, I’m a little disappointed.

Walks for Pitchers: 23! This isn’t so bad except for the fact there are 38 strikeouts for these same men. That’s better than a 1:2 ratio which is terrible.

I want to gut the entire team. We had this week won. In the words of Adele which were probably written by someone else, “We could have had it all.” The biggest match-up of the season ruined not because of lack of playing well, but because of screwing up.

It didn’t help that yesterday Adam Wainwright earned 39 points with a complete game one-hit shutout and Madison Baumgartner had a great game as well. Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages originally had Jonathan Niese on the team who if started would have earned around -10 points after his start yesterday. I applaud Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages for the move to get rid of the New York Mets pitcher Niese. Really, I do.

I’ve kept quiet most of the week about Evan Longoria who has been the main offense for JDVS. Without him the score would be much closer. In fact, between he and Ian Desmond, they’ve put up more than the lead JDVS has over the Miami Carlins. Longoria makes senses. He’s always a great player when he isn’t the American League’s version of Ryan Zimmerman getting hurt constantly.

In the final day of this match-up, Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages leads 290-244. As cynical as I may seem, this is still plausible to come back from. Nobody will be starting for JDVS and the Miami Carlins will have Ryan Dempster pitching. Dempster will be pitching against the Toronto Blue Jays whose team average (including Jose Reyes) is .178. A big day from Dempster, a big day from the struggling offense, maybe a blown save and a loss for Sergio Romo in the JDVS bullpen, I may be able to come from behind and take back what’s mine.

ryan dempster

 

(Ryan Dempster, if you pitch a perfect game I will buy you a Dunkin’ Donuts gift card)

A Big Fat Early Lead

Several spots on the Miami Carlins roster were left empty yesterday due to many teams having a day off. Nevertheless, America’s Fantasy Baseball Team pulled through a fantastic 60 points. Led by Jordan Zimmermann who pitched a complete game and earned 27 points, the offense managed to tack on a bunch more.

Neil Walker was the star yesterday for the team having getting the start as the team’s second baseman. Ian Kinsler has been playing great which has limited Walker’s time in the lineup.

“We’re a team of scrappy nobody’s for the most part,” said Walker. “I’m one of the scrappiest and nobodiestestests. My wife doesn’t even know me sometimes. She says I’m not the man she married. Then she cries and hides in the bathroom. That’s what this whole team is. Guys in failing marriages with nothing else to live for other than winning a championship.”

neil walker

(Neil Walker high-fiving Carlins teammate Andrew McCutchen)

My opponent the Drunkin’ Drafters had a much different day. The snow-out in Colorado took away several players he had scheduled to start. Coming into the day, the Miami Carlins lead 60-3.

“It’s only one day in,” said Drunkin Drafter first round pick and star pitcher Justin Verlander. “Wait until I get on the mound. We have plenty of time to catch up still. It’s still early. It’s not over until it’s over.”

Verlander continued on a tirade of cliched phrases until girlfriend Kate Upton entered the locker room in search of her talent.

Kate_Upton_Justin_Verlander_together

(Drunkin’ Drafters players David Price and Justin Verlander hanging out with Kate Upton and Jay Bruce for some reason. Could a trade of Jay Bruce to the Drunkin’ Drafters be in the works to make this faction come to life?)

Neil Walker will be getting another start today as the Carlins utility man.

“I was up all night preparing for today’s game. My wife wanted me to go to marriage counseling with her, but she doesn’t understand how important this is to me. I’ll probably divorce her after the game.”

No starting pitchers will go for either team today which if this was real baseball would be pretty weird.

Standings & Miami Carlins 2013 Roster

Final Season Standings

East Division

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages: 18-4

Team Gold 14-8

Stone Cold 12-10

Cecil Cantrell: 10-12

SI Hurricanes: 3-19

West Division

Drunkin’ Drafters: 12-10

Team Boyle: 12-10

Miami Carlins: 11-11

The Fuzzy Taints 10-12

Houston Asterisks: 8-14

Playoffs Round 1 Results:

Team Gold beats Miami Carlins 324-290

Team Boyle beats Stone Cold 323-284

Playoffs Round 2 Results:

————————-

My current roster. At the base I will update with any transactions made and my weekly results as they occur.

miami carlins

C Carlos Santana

C Wilson Ramos

1B/OF Allen Craig

1B Freddie Freeman

2B Ian Kinsler

2B Omar Infante

3B Pablo Sandoval

3B/1B/2B/OF Matt Carpenter

SS Starlin Castro

SS/3B Jose Iglesias

OF Andrew McCutchen

OF Jayson Werth

OF Carlos Gomez

OF Torii Hunter

OF/SS Junior Lake

OF/1B Daniel Nava

SP Cole Hamels

SP Yu Darvish

SP Jordan Zimmerman

SP Matt Moore

SP Mike Minor

SP John Lackey

SP Jhoulys Chacin

SP James Paxton

RP Joe Nathan

RP Jim Henderson

RP Grant Balfour

3/20 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of OF/1B Logan Morrison. To replace him OF Dominic Brown has been signed.

3/24 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of 2B Omar Infante. To replace him 2B Neil Walker has been signed.

4/2 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of OF Colby Rasmus. To replace him OF/1B/3B Matt Carpenter has been signed.

4/7 – Miami Carlins have placed 1B Freddie Freeman on the disabled list. To replace him OF Franklin Gutierrez has been signed.

4/17 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Jarrod Parker. To replace him SP Ryan Dempster has been signed.

4/20 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of OF Domonic Brown. To replace him OF Daniel Nava has been signed.

4/22 – Miami Carlins have activated 1B Freddie Freeman from the Disabled List. The roster spot was made available as OF Jason Kubel was placed onto the Disabled List.

4/23 – Following an injury, the Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of OF Franklin Gutierrez. To replace him OF Carlos Gomez has been signed.

4/28 – Miami Carlins have activated OF Jason Kubel from the Disabled List. To make room for him on the roster, 3B Mike Moustakas has been released.

5/3 – Miami Carlins have placed 2B Neil Walker on the Disabled List. To replace him 2B/OF Ryan Raburn has been signed.

5/11 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SS Alexei Ramirez. To replace him SS Jhonny Peralta has been signed.

5/11 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of 2B/OF Ryan Raburn. To replace him OF Alejandro De Aza has been signed.

5/15 – Miami Carlins have claimed OF Torii Hunter off waivers. To make room for him on the roster, OF Alejandro De Aza has been released.

5/19 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Ryan Dempster. To replace him SP A.J. Griffin has been signed.

5/25 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP A.J. Griffin. To replace him SP Jerome Williams has been signed.

5/30 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of OF Jason Kubel. To replace him SP Chris Tillman has been signed. In addition, OF Jayson Werth has been activated from the disabled list and RP J.J. Putz has been placed on it.

6/1 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Brandon Morrow. To replace him SP Jeremy Guthrie has been signed.

6/2 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Jerome Williams. To replace him 2B Jurickson Profar has been signed.

6/3 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of RP Brandon League. To replace him RP Francisco Rodriguez has been signed.

6/7 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Chris Tillman. To replace him SP Tony Cingrani has been signed.

6/8 – Miami Carlins have claimed SP John Lackey off waivers. To make room for him on the roster, SP Jeremy Guthrie has been released.

6/13 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Tony Cingrani. To replace him SP Jake Westbrook has been signed.

6/15 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of 2B Jurickson Profar. To replace him 3B Nolan Arenado has been signed.

6/17 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of 3B Nolan Arenado. To replace him 3B Anthony Rendon has been signed.

6/21 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of 2B Neil Walker. To replace him SP Jeremy Guthrie has been signed.

6/22 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Jeremy Guthrie. To replace him RP Josh Collmenter has been signed.

6/23 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of RP Josh Collmenter. To replace him RP Brett Cecil has been signed.

7/1 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of RP Francisco Rodriguez. To replace him RP J.J. Putz has been activated from the disabled list.

7/4 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of RP J.J. Putz. To replace him RP Francisco Rodriguez has been signed.

7/10 – Miami Carlins have placed SP Yu Darvish on the disabled list. To replace him RP Josh Collmenter has been signed.

7/11 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of RP Brett Cecil. To replace him SP Jhoulys Chacin has been signed.

7/11 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of RP Josh Collmenter. To replace him SP Jacob Turner has been signed.

7/21 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Jake Westbrook. To replace him SP Yu Darvish has been activated from the disabled list.

7/25 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of RP Francisco Rodriguez. To replace him RP Jim Henderson has been signed.

7/29 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Jacob Turner. To replace him SP Corey Kluber has been signed.

7/31 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of 1B/OF Daniel Nava. To replace him 3B/SS Jose Iglesias has been signed.

7/31 – Miami Carlins have placed SP Matt Moore on the disabled list. To replace him SP Sam Dedundo has been signed.

8/2 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Sam Dedundo. To replace him SP Rick Porcello has been signed.

8/4 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Rick Porcello. To replace him SP Wade Miley has been signed.

8/5 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of C Salvador Perez. To replace him C Wilson Ramos has been signed.

8/5 – Miami Carlins SS Jhonny Peralta has been suspended for 50 games and then released. To replace him OF/1B Daniel Nava has been signed.

8/5 – Miami Carlins OF Nelson Cruz has been suspended for 50 games an then released. To replace him OF Michael Morse has been signed.

8/7 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Corey Kluber. To replace him SP Felix Doubront has been signed.

8/11 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of 2B Brian Roberts. To replace him 2B Omar Infante has been signed.

8/25 – Miami Carlins have claimed OF/SS Junior Lake off waivers. To make room for him on the roster, OF Michael Morse has been released.

9/2 – Miami Carlins have activated SP Matt Moore from the Disabled List. To make room for him on the roster, SP Felix Doubront has been released.

9/7 – Miami Carlins have agreed to the release of SP Wade Miley. To replace him SP James Paxton has been signed.

Week 1 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 329, Team Boyle 283

Player of the Week: Yu Darvish 56 points

Enemy of the Week: Chris Davis 49 points

Disappointment of the Week: Starlin Castro 6 points

Week 2 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 280, SI Hurricanes 237

Player of the Week: Andrew McCutchen 27 points

Enemy of the Week: Justin Upton 30 points

Disappointment of the Week: Nelson Cruz 2 points

Week 3 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 299, Drunkin’ Drafters 243

Player of the Week: Carlos Santana 22 points

Enemy of the Week: David Wright 39 points

Disappointment of the Week: Matt Carpenter 3 points

Week 4 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 346, The Fuzzy Taints 245

Player of the Week: Matt Moore 57 points

Enemy of the Week: Edwin Encarnacion 31 points

Disappointment of the Week: Andrew McCutchen 3 points

Week 5 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 364, Houston Asterisks 205

Player of the Week: Carlos Gomez 32 points

Enemy of the Week: Tim Hudson 50 points

Disappointment of the Week: Matt Moore 1 point

Week 6 Results: Don’t wanna talk about it

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages 312, Miami Carlins 263

Player of the Week: Mike Minor 24 points

Enemy of the Week: Adam Wainwright 39 points

Disappointment of the Week: Jason Kubel 0 points

Week 7 Results: This week shouldn’t count

Team Gold 310, Miami Carlins 266

Player of the Week: Andrew McCutchen 36 points

Enemy of the Week: Edward Mujica 30 points

Disappointment of the Week: Ian Kinsler 0 points and a trip to the disabled list

Week 8 Results: You’d never believe it…

Stone Cold 315, Miami Carlins 299

Player of the Week: Mike Minor 31 points

Enemy of the Week: Max Scherzer 54 points

Disappointment of the Week: Cole Hamels 30 points and two losses

Week 9 Results: Eye roll

Team Boyle 377, Miami Carlins 257

Player of the Week: Yu Darvish 44 points

Enemy of the Week: Cliff Lee 61 points

Disappointment of the Week: Jordan Zimmermann -2 points

Week 10 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 343, Cecil Cantrell 274

Player of the Week: Jordan Zimmermann 52 points

Enemy of the Week: Yoenis Cespedes 30 points

Disappointment of the Week: Pablo Sandoval -1 point

Week 11 Results: D’oh

Drunkin’ Drafters 287, Miami Carlins 267

Player of the Week: Carlos Gomez 29 points

Enemy of the Week: Jason Kipnis 29 points

Disappointment of the Week: Jake Westbrook 0 points

Week 12 Results: …

The Fuzzy Taints 287, Miami Carlins 274

Player of the Week: Nelson Cruz 31 points

Enemy of the Week: Edwin Encarnacian 38 points

Disappointment of the Week: Jeremy Guthrie -8 points

Week 13 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 293, Houston Asterisks 142

Player of the Week: Freddie Freeman 28 points

Enemy of the Week: Nick Swisher 22 points

Disappointment of the Week: Pablo Sandoval -4 points

Week 14 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 317, Si Hurricanes 157

Player of the Week: Matt Moore 51 points

Enemy of the Week: Bud Norris 21 points

Disappointment of the Week: Jhonny Peralta 2 points

Week 15 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 351, Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages 279

Player of the Week: Mike Minor 38 points

Enemy of the Week: Matt Garza 40 points

Disappointment of the Week: Jake Westbrook 6 points

Week 16 Results: An embarrasment

Team Gold 500, Miami Carlins 430

Players of the Week: Carlos Gomez 41 points

Enemy of the Week: Jose Fernandez 59 points

Disappointment of the Week: Jordan Zimmermann -4 points

Week 17 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 367, Stone Cold 255

Player of the Week: Freddie Freeman 37 points

Enemy of the Week: Shane Victorino 37 points

Disappointment of the Week: Allen Craig 3 points

Week 18 Results: Adam Jones ruined it all

Cecil Cantrell 279, Miami Carlins 269

Player of the Week: Freddie Freeman 25 points

Enemy of the Week: Adam Jones 34 points

Disappointment of the Week: Jordan Zimmermann 6 points

Week 19 Results: Win

Miami Carlins 291, Si Hurricanes 223

Player of the Week: Yu Darvish 54 points

Enemy of the Week: Joe Mauer 31 points

Disappointment of the Week: Shortstops Starlin Castro and Jose Iglesias combining for -4 points

Week 20 Results: This was the last one, I swear

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages 355, Miami Carlins 322

Player of the Week: Ian Kinsler 24 points

Enemy of the Week: Evan Longoria 33 points

Disappointment of the Week: Wade Miley 8 points plus twerking at the VMAs

Week 21 Results: It was a tough opponent and they did really well! Not my fault

Team Gold 346, Miami Carlins 290

Player of the Week: Jhoulys Chacin 32 points

Enemy of the Week: Brandon Moss 33 points

Disappointment of the Week: Grant Balfour 0 points, included a -10 performance

Week 22 Results: Dafuq?

Stone Cold 309, Miami Carlins 261

Player of the Week: Cole Hamels 55 points

Enemy of the Week: Ryan Zimmerman 31 points

Disappointment of the Week: Yu Darvish -2 points

Playoffs Round 1 Results: Eliminated!

Team Gold 324, Miami Carlins 290

Player of the Week: Jayson Werth 29 points

Enemy of the Week: Josh Donaldson 37 points

Disappointment of the Week: Mike Minor 3 points