Tagged: jordan zimmermann

Miami Carlins End of the Year Ceremony Nominations

Here are the nominees for the Miami Carlins Awards.

Player of the Year:

Andrew McCutchen

Matt Carpenter

Yu Darvish

Surprise of the Year:

Matt Carpenter

Jordan Zimmermann

Jayson Werth

Disappointment of the Year:

Starlin Castro

Pablo Sandoval

Nelson Cruz/Jhonny Peralta Suspension

Best Free Agent Signing/Waiver Claim:

Matt Carpenter 4/2

Carlos Gomez 4/23

Torii Hunter 5/15

Draft Pick Steal:

Grant Balfour Round 17 (165 overall)

Mike Minor Round 20 (196 overall)

Jayson Werth Round 24 (236 overall)

Player of the Week Wins: Jhoulys Chacin, Nelson Cruz, Yu Darvish (3), Freddie Freeman (3), Carlos Gomez (3), Cole Hamels (2), Ian Kinsler, Andrew McCutchen (2), Mike Minor (3), Matt Moore (2), Carlos Santana, Jayson Werth, Jordan Zimmermann

Enemy of the Week Wins: Yoenis Cespedes, Chris Davis, Josh Donaldson, Edwin Encarnacian (2), Jose Fernandez, Matt Garza, Tim Hudson, Adam Jones, Jason Kipnis, Cliff Lee, Evan Longoria, Joe Mauer, Brandon Moss, Edward Mujica, Bud Norris, Max Scherzer, Nick Swisher,  Justin Upton, Shane Victorino, Adam Wainwright, David Wright, Ryan Zimmerman

Disappointment of the Week Wins: Grant Balfour, Matt Carpenter, Starlin Castro (2), Allen Craig, Nelson Cruz, Yu Darvish, Jeremy Guthrie, Jose Iglesias, Ian Kinsler, Jason Kubel, Andrew McCutchen, Wade Miley, Mike Minor, Matt Moore, Jhonny Peralta, Pablo Sandoval (2), Jake Westbrook (2), Jordan Zimmermann (3)

So Much Depends on the Weather

The Miami Carlins are close to being eliminated this week. One of the big reasons is because last night there was a long rain delay in Minnesota during Matt Moore’s start. Moore had been cruising before God intervened and poured down liquid hate from the sky. Moore only ended up pitching 3 innings, not even enough to pick up the win.

On the final day of the first round of the playoffs, the Miami Carlins trail Team Gold (am I really going to lose to a team with that name???) 278-241. It’s not completely over as Jordan Zimmermann pitches for the Carlins and Chris Sale pitches for Team Gold and apparently there is rain in the forecast in Cleveland, a team that Sale is 0-3 against this season anyway. The chance to continue playing fantasy baseball games that count is limited and I’m going to need my offensive to pick up the slack today. Allen Craig’s injury has hurt as well as the fall from grace Carlos Gomez has had. Most of all the team’s pitching hasn’t been consistent down the stretch. Oh well. At least my fantasy football team the Cleveland Drowns are already in first place.

cleveland drowns

Week 18 Results

It’s hard for me to be upset about last week at this point since I am doing the Weekly Results so late into the beginning of the next match-up. I will pretend to be sad when I announce that Week 18 ended in a loss for the Miami Carlins. The worst thing of all was that for a very brief time late in the day the Carlins made a triumphant comeback. I actually made a point to watch a game on MLB.com between the Orioles and Giants where Cecil Cantrell pitcher Matt Cain was going. The Orioles beat Matt Cain, but with it came a bunch of points from other Cecil Cantrell players Matt Wieters, Manny Machado, and the guy who put the icing on the cake, Adam Jones. Week 18 ended in a loss for the Miami Carlins 279-269. A great effort that was not good enough.

Player of the Week goes to Freddie Freeman with 25 points, the only consistent offensive player of the week. Disappointment of the week goes to Jordan Zimmermann whose struggles have continued. He earned only 6 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Adam Jones with 34 points, most importantly because of that last home run to seal the victory for Cecil Cantrell.

adam jones(You bastard…)

Let’s do some quick scores from around the league:

Houston Asterisks proved they aren’t the worst team in the league with a 299-222 win over last place Si Hurricanes

Team Gold handed another loss to Team Boyle, 302-288

Stone Cold knocked The Fuzzy Taints out of a playoff spot with a 271-266 victory

Drunkin’ Drafters gave Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages their third loss of the season, 301-279

Now for Atlanta Slaves news:

It was a terrible week for the Slaves until Sunday where they came back and picked up a few wins. The Slaves lost their first place position, but are only 1.5 games behind.

Week 19 sees the Miami Carlins facing off against the last place Si Hurricanes. We have already beaten them twice and already lead them 57-negative 2. Only four weeks remain in the regular season and every single win matters. The Carlins are at the front of the pack of team mushed together, but a losing streak this late in the season could make all of the time spent for nothing, which would really suck.

Week 16 Results

The weeks where I get off to a nice start then lose are the worst. Week 16 was one of those weeks. The final score was an eye-pleasing 500-430. Bad pitching for the Carlins plus good pitching for Team Gold contributed to this lopsided score.  I’m tired and sad and don’t want to analyze things anymore. Team Gold has the distinction of being the only team to be the Carlins twice this season. We face off one more time, and you better believe I will be ready.

Player of the Week goes to Carlos Gomez with 41 points. Enemy of the Week goes to the recently acquired Jose Fernandez who earned 59 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Jordan Zimmermann who after two starts finished with -4 points, including one start being -14 points.

The scores from around the league look like this:

Stone Cold beat Houston Asterisks 529-426

Team Boyle got to .500 with a 478-358 victory

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages got back to their winning ways with a 536-510 victory over The Fuzzy Taints

Drunkin’ Drafters squeezed their way into a potential playoff spot by beating Cecil Cantrell 536-458

New from the Atlanta Slaves:

The Slaves are now only 2 games back of the division lead. After a few trades to balance out the team, adding speed and batting average, the Slaves look to be a real threat in the playoffs.

This week the Miami Carlins will face off against Stone Cold. Last time around Stone Cold picked up a late week victory. This time around, I’m going to have to “heat it up” and “chill them out.” Is it obvious that I’m rushing this by adding puns?


Curious, I decided to see what the Carlins pitching record was this week. The answer, 3-10. A win for Matt Moore, Yu Darvish, and Jake Westbrook each. A single loss for Jacob Turner, Grant Balfour, Joe Nathan, Mike Minor, Cole Hamels, and Jhoulys Chacin. Two losses each for Jordan Zimmermann and John Lackey.

What does this mean? It means that if the Miami Carlins can pull off a victory this week we have the offense to thank. The pitching was a strength at the beginning of the season, but lately has been a weakness.

To add insult to injury, Chris Archer has already pitched a shutout today for Team Gold. Hanley Ramirez has been the offensive weapon with a total of 43 points so far. Even with 10 strikeouts and 2 errors Ramirez has been having a monster week. And by monster I mean I hope he gets shot by helicopters while climbing a large building.

king kong(I don’t think there are too many buildings this high in Los Angeles for Ramirez to climb. Unfortunately they make everything as far away from each other as possible. Damn earthquakes)

This extended week has seen the Carlins hit 16 home runs so far. We are at the point in the season where home runs come easier and pitchers turn into Omar Daal. I don’t mean to single Omar Daal out, he’s just my go-to name whenever I need a crappy pitcher to name.

Zimmermann is Guilty

The verdict came in last night just before eight,

We all know where it was going after the second Dodger crossed home plate.

Jordan Zimmermann team captain of the Miami Carlins had so far been reliable,

When he took the mound a win was undeniable.

Then something happened, it got in his way,

Blame the All-Star Break, that boring week off I say.

Zimmermann took the mound and left it with negative 14 points at the end of the game,

If I had been the one pitching for the Nationals, the results would have been for the most part the same.

Team captain Zimmermann swears this was just a fluke,

There is no reason to trade him, take this team to a nuke.

Shit happens even to the best of us sometimes,

Hopefully later this week against the hapless Mets he once again shines.

A Week of Great Matchups

The Miami Carlins have great pitching matchups this week. Dare I call it epic?

Last night began with Jordan Zimmermann pitching against the Milwaukee Brewers and Matt Moore against the Houston Astros. Later in the week, Zimmermann pitches against the San Diego Padres and Matt Moore pitches against the Chicago White Sox.

mlb_g_moore-zimmerman_576(Magically I didn’t even have to create this picture)

But wait, there’s more!

Yu Darvish’s lone start this week is against his lone star counterparts, the Houston Astros. John Lackey pitches against the San Diego Padres and the underachieving Los Angeles Angels. Mike Minor pitches against the Miami Marlins, Jake Westbrook pitches against the Miami Marlins, and then the next start Mike Minor makes on Monday is again against the Miami Marlins. The only bad matchup this week is Cole Hamels against the Pittsburgh Pirates, a team that although they are the best team in the league, it’s their pitching that really is the reason why.

With all of these great starts, how do I decide who to pitch? Let’s start with Jordan Zimmermann, the team captain. I refuse to not start him no matter who the opponent is. He’s getting both of his starts. That takes up 2/7 starts.

Yu Darvish nearly pitched a perfect game against the Astros so that’s 3/7.

Mike Minor and Jake Westbrook against the Marlins, that’s a no brainer. We’re now at 5/7.

Cole Hamels has struggled this season so I’m definitely not using his start. And although John Lackey has been pitching well, his matchups are still not as favorable as the others. The Padres are no cake walk and the Angels are way overdue.

The final two starts will most likely be used again with Matt Moore’s start against the White Sox, as well as the one used last night. And that’s how I got to 7/7 starts used.

It means very little at this point, but the Miami Marlins lead the Si Hurricanes 43-6. There was an unusually high number of strikeouts for both teams. Thankfully, Matt Moore’s 30 points helped get us a huge jump-start.

The only hard decision right now seems to be how to get Matt Carpenter into the starting lineup. Tonight Carlos Gomez is not playing so Carpenter has been moved to the Utility position. For now though it could be tricky and Pablo Sandoval could be riding the pine a little more than he would like. Then again, he’s so incredible fat and would enjoy getting to sit. I’ve really had it out for him this season.


As it should be, the Miami Carlins took the lead. The Carlins come into the weekend leading The Fuzzy Taints 180-140, with a 5-3 starts used lead. Essentially, The Fuzzy Taints are owed 20 points from two starters to even it up.

Unfortunately John Lackey once again was not used in his start yesterday and he pitched well. I say this is unfortunate because now Yu Darvish had his start pushed back to Tuesday and I had to scramble to find a 7th starter for this week. I decided to drop Neil Walker and pick up Jeremy Guthrie who pitches against the Chicago White Sox today as this 7th starter. Cole Hamels also goes today against the New York Mets. I like both of these match-ups and I’m hoping it pushes the Carlins way ahead once we run out of starts.

Yesterday’s scoring included a vintage performance from Jordan Zimmermann, a fine performance from Matt Moore, and a lackluster one from Mike Minor. The only positive from not pitching John Lackey is he wouldn’t have gotten the win because Carlins short stop Jhonny Peralta hit a 9th inning home run to help the Tigers win.

“Sure I hit it for the Tigers,” said Peralta. “I also hit it for the Carlins. Not only that, I hit it for steroid users everywhere….Awww crap.”

Jered Weaver will pitch today for The Fuzzy Taints while tomorrow it appears Francisco Liriano, Patrick Corbin, and Travis Wood will finish things off.  Sunday’s scoring will all come down to the offense and closers, a less exciting way to do things, but considering the Carlins have a pretty good offense I have a good feeling.

I would not be doing my job if I didn’t mention Jayson Werth’s 4 strikeout game yesterday. With Allen Craig on the bench (he would eventually have a 2-run pinch hit), Werth got the start. Werth showed his worth when he struck out 4 times. As a Philadelphia Phillies fan, I have to hate him even more now. It’s almost as if Werth isn’t taking my fantasy baseball team seriously. Such a shame because he looks like such a serious man.


A Slow Upward Climb

The Miami Carlins made up some ground yesterday. It wasn’t much, but 5 points is still 5 points. The score is still 111-97, in favor of The Fuzzy Taints thanks mostly to a 22 point performance by Jake Westbrook.

“After my first time pitching for the Carlins when I put up a pathetic 0 points, it feels good to be someone who actually participates in a positive way,” said Westbrook. “I’ve heard murmurs what happens to guys who continually pitch poorly. I’ve heard you get traded to the Houston Asterisks.”

Today things will pick up greatly. Jordan Zimmermann, Mike Minor, and Matt Moore will all be pitching for the Carlins. John Lackey is also available to pitch, but I won’t throw him out there. He has poor numbers against the team he’s pitching against and it’s also the Detroit Tigers. I have had a history of playing pitchers against the Tigers. I would like to avoid it as much as I can.

By this time tomorrow the Miami Carlins should be in the lead. If we’re not, the situation will become very dire. I’m still not completely satisfied with the pitching match-ups other than Mike Minor against the Mets. Matt Moore goes against the Yankees and Jordan Zimmermann goes against the Rockies, thankfully in Washington, not Colorado.

“When you start the week off trailing, it’s a slow upward climb,” said Carlins 1B/OF Allen Craig. “You know, like me this season and my only 6 home runs. Wasn’t I drafted in like the 6th round? I really should stop being a singles hitter.”

mountain price is right

Scoring High Doesn’t Mean A Win

The way this inaugural season for the Miami Carlins is going is suspicious. I can score the third or fourth most points for the week and I will have been matched up against whoever scored the most or second most. This week looks like it may end up one of those weeks. The Miami Carlins have scored the third most points. Our opponent, Drunkin’ Drafters, have scored the fourth most points. Then there’s a huge drop off by about 50 points to the fifth most scoring team. Whichever way it goes, someone is going to get screwed.

The score is 253-242. Drunkin’ Drafters is one of the more active teams in the league and I’m not referring to his sex life either. He managed to get online this morning, drop Josh Johnson and sign Miguel Gonzalez of the Baltimore Orioles to pitch against the Boston Red Sox this afternoon. I was very tempted to drop a couple pitchers and sign all of the best pitchers going today just to block him from getting someone good. I thought it over and not only would this be Bush League, it would probably end up backfiring on me somehow.

Jordan Zimmermann struggled yesterday and Mike Minor didn’t have his best performance. That’s why the score is so close. If Zimmermann had a typical 25 point start and Minor did the same, we wouldn’t even be talking about the possibility of a loss. We get lucky that Drunkin’ Drafters starter Alex Cobb got carted off the field in a stretcher, taking away the possibility of a win for him.


I’m not a dad so this Father’s Day will be spent for me wishing and hoping that my fantasy baseball offense hits a couple home runs and that Miguel Gonzalez gets him early to his children. I’m not sure if he has children or not, but judging by his last name, he probably does. That wasn’t a racist joke. That was a “I’m being stupid” joke because I’m assuming he’s related to all of the other Gonzalez’s in the world. I guess that’s still a bit racist. My bad.