As it turns out, Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages kissed their sisters last week. The league finally adjusted things and as it turns out, they tied with the Houston Asterisks. This is a completely irrelevant outcome as they will finish with a bye week almost undoubtedly and the Houston Asterisks will not make the playoffs. Still, I want to point out that my appointment this week made-out with their sisters, in theory at least because a tie is like kissing your sister.
This week has gone typical of other match-ups against Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages. I’ve trailed and had the potential to catch-up only to not be able to do it. They have only one start left, Matt Garza on Sunday. I have three starts left. The score is 257-204, a 53 point lead for Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages.
The Miami Carlins still have a chance to take a lead. A win this week basically secures a playoff spot. My only hope is that tying the Houston Asterisks last week doesn’t piss Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages off so much that they take it out on me. Didn’t Donnie and Marie Osmond have sex with each other? Will Dean want to be Donnie or Marie? He’s clearly the one wearing the pants in this relationship of theirs. We’ll find out soon enough.
As it currently stands with only 2 1/2 days left to go in week one, things between the Miami Carlins and Team Boyle are as close as they can get. We are tied 210-210.
Can Matt Moore secure the win tonight and help the Miami Carlins over the top? Is there anyone who can stop Team Boyle star player Chris Davis who hit a grand slam today? It may come down to a walk, an error, a save, or more likely, Miami Carlins pitching Yu Darvish Sunday night. I decided to go against my best judgment and pitch him. The big problem here is I will not be anywhere near a computer to make any last minute changes. Hopefully everything works out well beforehand. Cole Hamels will be pitching earlier in the day. For Team Boyle, Matt Harrison goes tomorrow and on Sunday he will have Stephen Strasburg. Week One will come down to the wire. Things will be decided in Texas during the Sunday night game while I am attending Wrestlemania 29.
In Sunday night’s game, Texas Rangers against the Los Angeles Angels, Miami Carlins will have Yu Darvish pitching, Ian Kinsler at second, Nelson Cruz in the outfield, and Joe Nathan closing it out. Could this come down to a Joe Nathan fastball at 11pm Sunday night? Team Boyle may have Adrian Beltre at third and David Murphy in the outfield. Could this come down to a fielding error by Adrian Beltre that blows a save for Joe Nathan?
Things will be tense. We may share blood, but all this means is we will be less afraid to shed it. I knew I should have started Mike Minor today against the Cubs. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack. Yu Darvish, you don’t have to be perfect, but don’t be less than it either.