As it turns out, Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages kissed their sisters last week. The league finally adjusted things and as it turns out, they tied with the Houston Asterisks. This is a completely irrelevant outcome as they will finish with a bye week almost undoubtedly and the Houston Asterisks will not make the playoffs. Still, I want to point out that my appointment this week made-out with their sisters, in theory at least because a tie is like kissing your sister.
This week has gone typical of other match-ups against Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages. I’ve trailed and had the potential to catch-up only to not be able to do it. They have only one start left, Matt Garza on Sunday. I have three starts left. The score is 257-204, a 53 point lead for Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages.
The Miami Carlins still have a chance to take a lead. A win this week basically secures a playoff spot. My only hope is that tying the Houston Asterisks last week doesn’t piss Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages off so much that they take it out on me. Didn’t Donnie and Marie Osmond have sex with each other? Will Dean want to be Donnie or Marie? He’s clearly the one wearing the pants in this relationship of theirs. We’ll find out soon enough.
The Miami Carlins won during Week 19 and what else is there to say? We have made it hell for the Si Hurricanes this season, beating them all three times. I will show some mercy and just get onto the weekly wrap-up. The final score was 291-223 by the way. Thought I should let you know how flattened they are.
Player of the Week goes to Yu Darvish who finished with 54 points, mostly because of his pitching performance on Monday which netted him 40 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Starlin Castro and Jose Iglesias who combined for -4 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Joe Mauer with 31 points. Thank goodness he’s on the Atlanta Slaves.
Scores from around the league time? I think so:
Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages narrowly beat out the Houston Asterisk 302-297
Team Boyle pushed closer to .500 with a 297-240 win over Stone Cold
The Fuzzy Taints got themselves back over .500 with a win over Cecil Cantrell, 316-274
Team Gold did my team a favor by beating Drunkin’ Drafters, 288-260
New from the Atlanta Slaves? Let’s get on with it!
The Atlanta Slaves are back in first place by a half game. What more is there to say? We’ve been consistent and with the playoffs only a few weeks away we look to win the prize the league is giving out, nothing.
Week 20 sees the Miami Carlins facing the hated rivals Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages. We’re off to a bad start this week, much thanks to team captain Jordan Zimmermann. What happened to that guy? I blame his brother George.
I will post the weekly results later in the week for the sake of consistency. I think they may change because there’s an obvious glaring error in that Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages was given a loss to the Houston Asterisks even though Houston used 8 starts instead of 7. The Carlins did win though and that’s all that matters.
In the meantime and the in between time, here is something i wrote for Yahoo that I thought was pretty good and maybe one person will click it.
On Wednesday the fat lady started tuning up her voice. On the final day of this week’s match-up, she’s getting a little anxious to start singing. The Miami Carlins lead Si Hurricanes 223-202, with 3 starts left to Si Hurricanes’ 1 start.
I haven’t been doing much intrepid reporting so I thought I would take some time to do a quick team review. Ever since Nelson Cruz and Jhonny Peralta were suspended there have been more opportunities for other players to step up. Has anyone?
The weakest position on the Carlins, Starlin Castro started off as the team’s starter and now only because Jose Iglesias struggling nearly as much, the spot is still open. Castro is nearly guaranteed to earn the Disappointment of the Year Award. Somehow he has survived being released, mostly because I keep convincing myself he’s overdue. Shortstop will continue being a revolving door between the two for the rest of the season and into the playoffs. I don’t have much faith in either of these guys as this week they have a combined -4 points. I would be better off not having any shortstop at all. Wow.
Wilson Ramos came in during Carlos Santana’s struggles and has gotten a few spot starts. The position still belongs to Santana, but I feel a lot more comfortable with Ramos as the backup than Salvador Perez who is a singles hitter with a .270 average. Santana started off great and slowly “Starlin Castro’ed” his way to a poor average. And yes, I want to start calling people who disappoint me Starlin Catros.
Another player who struggled this year for me and was a high pick as Pablo Sandoval. Sandoval kept landing on the disabled list too, which didn’t help his cause at keeping him in the lineup with the numbers Matt Carpenter has put up. Now with the Utility position open, Sandoval has seen more playing time and has made the best of it. This week Sandoval has already earned 16 points. That’s 1 point for every 3 pounds he needs to lose to be a good player again. Not bad.
This week’s match against the Si Hurricanes has been simple and easy and any other adjectives you can think of that mean minimal effort. Starting with Yu Darvish’s 40 point performance Monday, the Miami Carlins currently have a 161-154 lead. This may not look like much until I reveal that the Si Hurricanes have used 6 of their 7 starts. The Miami Carlins have only used 3. Barring multiple pitching meltdowns or Si Hurricanes’ third baseman Aramis Ramirez turning back the clock a decade and regaining a power stroke, it looks like the Miami Carlins will sail into next week with ease.
It’s hard for me to be upset about last week at this point since I am doing the Weekly Results so late into the beginning of the next match-up. I will pretend to be sad when I announce that Week 18 ended in a loss for the Miami Carlins. The worst thing of all was that for a very brief time late in the day the Carlins made a triumphant comeback. I actually made a point to watch a game on MLB.com between the Orioles and Giants where Cecil Cantrell pitcher Matt Cain was going. The Orioles beat Matt Cain, but with it came a bunch of points from other Cecil Cantrell players Matt Wieters, Manny Machado, and the guy who put the icing on the cake, Adam Jones. Week 18 ended in a loss for the Miami Carlins 279-269. A great effort that was not good enough.
Player of the Week goes to Freddie Freeman with 25 points, the only consistent offensive player of the week. Disappointment of the week goes to Jordan Zimmermann whose struggles have continued. He earned only 6 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Adam Jones with 34 points, most importantly because of that last home run to seal the victory for Cecil Cantrell.
Let’s do some quick scores from around the league:
Houston Asterisks proved they aren’t the worst team in the league with a 299-222 win over last place Si Hurricanes
Team Gold handed another loss to Team Boyle, 302-288
Stone Cold knocked The Fuzzy Taints out of a playoff spot with a 271-266 victory
Drunkin’ Drafters gave Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages their third loss of the season, 301-279
Now for Atlanta Slaves news:
It was a terrible week for the Slaves until Sunday where they came back and picked up a few wins. The Slaves lost their first place position, but are only 1.5 games behind.
Week 19 sees the Miami Carlins facing off against the last place Si Hurricanes. We have already beaten them twice and already lead them 57-negative 2. Only four weeks remain in the regular season and every single win matters. The Carlins are at the front of the pack of team mushed together, but a losing streak this late in the season could make all of the time spent for nothing, which would really suck.
The Miami Carlins picked up some ground yesterday, but it’s still a high ladder left to climb. At the end of the day the score got to 246-199 in favor of Cecil Cantrell.
Both teams will be using their final start today too. The Miami Carlins send Mike Minor against the Miami Marlins while Cecil Cantrell will pitch Jeremy Hellickson against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Hellickson has gotten negative points his last two outings and Mike Minor has been solid most of the season.
“I’m glad the coach calls me solid,” said Minor after reading the above. “I’ve heard some players compared to liquid or gas, or even worse, plasma. It’s nice to know that I am one of the few solid ones in the coach’s eye.”
The Miami Carlins need a huge day from their offense today. The struggles cannot be blamed on any one player, although a lot of fingers have been pointed at Allen Craig who hasn’t contributed any points yet this week. The biggest change this week though comes after the suspensions of Nelson Cruz and Jhonny Peralta. This has opened up a near permanent spot in the lineup for Jayson Werth who is quietly having a great season. Still, there is the open utility spot that has yet to be solidified by anyone in particular.
“The coach called [Minor] solid so maybe he will be the one to solidify the position? I don’t know. I’m new here.” said shortstop Jose Iglesias who has been splitting time with Starlin Castro.
The only other position that has turned into a platoon is catcher. Carlos Santana has been playing poorly lately and now with Wilson Ramos on the team Santana’s playing time has gone done drastically.
“I may not be in the lineup as much as I would like,” said Santana. “But at least I share a name with a popular guitar player. Well, popular among other musicians. He’s kind of like the Spanish Slash.”