It’s Over Now
This week’s match-up against the Houston Asterisks was over before it even started. After getting their first win last week, the Asterisks had to go up against the best team in the league this week, the Miami Carlins. Right now the score is 310-156 in favor of, do I have to tell you?
In a week where Yu Darvish was scheduled for two starts, but only went once, this week was won by the team’s offense. Team captain Jordan Zimmermann was the only pitcher to get more than 20 points and overall I was a little disappointed with the pitching. The offense picked it up though, hitting 11 home runs so far.
“We said we’d start swinging the bats more and we did,” said Carlins third baseman Pablo Sandoval from an undisclosed Dunkin Donuts location.
The Asterisks, a team decimated by injuries, seemed to have quite a challenge ahead of them. Still even with a loss, they should be tied with about half the league with a 1-4 record.
“The season is still young,” said Asterisks player Nick Swisher. “I like young. Remember when my wife Joanna Garcia was young and on Are You Afraid of the Dark? Damn she was hot. I brag to all my friends still about how I’m tapping that.”
Reporters looked for a friend of Swisher’s to interview to confirm that he indeed brags about it. Several of the players confirmed Swisher has no friends in the locker room or anywhere else for that matter.
“Nobody likes that guy,” said Dexter Fowler. “And I know a thing or two about not being liked. Until that serial killer show, everybody kept asking me about my damn laboratory. I was a walking joke.”
Although the week is not over yet, the Carlins have used up all of their starts and have almost twice as many points as the Houston Asterisks. It would take a true miracle for them to come from behind and get their second win on the season.
“Of course I believe in miracles,” said Asterisks third baseman Pedro Alvarez. “I suck and I’m still on a major league roster. That’s proof right there that miracles can happen.”
(Alvarez has decided to forego wearing a full uniform for the rest of the season. He found it constraining and says wearing shorts is more liberating)
Miami Carlins Fantasy Baseball 
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