Category: Team Stone Cold

Week 22 Results

As fatalistically predicted, the Miami Carlins suffered a traumatic loss at the hands of Stone Cold, 309-261. The playoffs have already begun with the Carlins in the sixth and final playoff spot. Pretty amazing considering a win in Week 22 would have given America’s Favorite Fantasy Baseball team a first round bye. That shows you just how close this is.

Player of the Week goes to Cole Hamels with 55 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Ryan Zimmerman who notched 31 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Yu Darvish with -2 points. Wade Miley had a -10 performance, but at this point I expect negativity from people with the name Miley.

miley-cyrus-billboard-mid-year-awards-nominee(I dare her to name one other player from the Chicago Bulls ever)

Let’s announce some scores from around the league:

Houston Asterisks beat Cecil Cantrell in a meaningless game, 302-270

Team Boyle snuck into the playoffs with a win over Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages, 303-262

Team Gold knocked The Fuzzy Taints’ chances at making the post season by beating them 283-212

Drunkin’ Drafters got lucky and faced Si Hurricanes in the final week, giving them a first round bye after a 227-151 victory

I will get to the playoff picture in another post as it will up my blog stats, slightly. Let’s instead give a brief announcement for the Atlanta Slaves:

The Atlanta Slaves finished the regular season in 2nd place. It was a tight battle between the top 3 spots and the 4th and final playoff position came down to a half game victory. It will take only two wins to become the league champion where I will win a ring. Just what I want, this guy after me.

gollum

The Miami Carlins finished with a pitiful 11-11 record after a tremendous 5-0 start. Blame can be placed on Nelson Cruz and Jhonny Peralta. Blame will not be placed on them though as it always comes down to the manager, me. All this means now is that we are the underdogs.

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It’s Going To Take…

What’s it going to take tomorrow for the Miami Carlins to win the first round bye?

Right now the Carlins trail Stone Cold 224-216. Stone Cold still has 2 starts yet, but only one starter scheduled for tomorrow thanks to a Felix Hernandez injury. Bartolo Colon will pitch against Houston. The last time Colon faced the hapless Houston team he earned 0 fantasy baseball points. Cole Hamels will pitch for the Carlins tomorrow against the Braves, a team he has seen plenty over the years.

So what’s it going to take? Hopefully Stone Cold doesn’t realize King Felix is injured. The beginning of football season may help. A bad start by Colon, a nice one by Hamels, and a Miami Carlins offensive explosion are what it will take. Worst case scenario, I lose this week and have to play Team Gold next week in the first round of the playoffs. ┬áConsidering they gave me a hard time all season, I’m hoping Hamels can hold the Braves hitless for 9 innings and Bartolo Colon finally gets suspended for cheating. Too bad he never knew you were supposed to lift weights when you take steroids.

bartolo colon(I suppose when your name is Colon you are destined for making mistakes)

Pablo Sandoval You Fat S.O.B. I Love You

Pablo Sandoval has finally contributed. Last night, Miami Carlins third baseman and competitive eater Pablo Sandoval hit three home runs totally 25 points. After a Yu Darvish -1 pitching performance, Sandoval has helped the Carlins get back in it this week.

The score is currently tied at 141, the Carlins having used 5 starts and Stone Cold having used 4. It’s going to take a few good pitching performances and maybe even another fat bastard hitting three home runs. As it currently looks, Mike Minor and Cole Hamels will get the last two starts for the Carlins before the postseason begins next Monday. The Carlins pretty much need this win to secure a first round bye. A playoff spot, if my math is correct, has been secured since the Carlins have the tie-breaker over most teams.

For now though, let’s celebrate Pablo Sandoval. The next hamburger is on me kid.

Pablo Sandoval

Week 21 Results

I didn’t do any updates this week because 1) I’ve become very busy and 2) I don’t want anyone knowing how much I suck. Team Gold rolled over my Miami Carlins. We barely stood a chance. The final score was 346-290. Fortunately by the end of yesterday I wasn’t the second top scoring team, which would have made things a lot more frustrating.

Player of the Week goes to Jhoulys Chacin with 32 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Brandon Moss with 33 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Grant Balfour who had 3 saves yet finished with 0 points this week due to a blown save/loss combination.

Let’s take a look at scores from around the league:

Houston Asterisks played spoiler, defeating Stone Cold 326-262

Team Boyle got into the final playoff spot with a 228-168 win over Si Hurricanes

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages decided to help me out with a 300-235 win over The Fuzzy Taints

Drunkin’ Drafter all but eliminated Cecil Cantrell from the post season by defeating them 300-240

The Miami Carlins still have the second bye week and in order to keep it a few things will have to happen. The Carlins will need to either 1) Win or 2) Need Drunkin’ Drafters and Team Boyle to lose. I have done the math and it is almost impossible for the Carlins to not at least make the playoff, even if in the final position.

Some brief Atlanta Slaves news:

The Slaves have officially clinched a playoff spot! Right now the Slaves are 2 games behind two teams tied in first place. There is still a strong battle for the final playoff spot in the league, but the struggle for the Slaves is over, at least until next week.

This is the final week for both the Miami Carlins and the Atlanta Slaves. Both teams will make the playoffs, since the Carlins will win the tie-breakers thanks to their high-scoring ways. This final week matches the Carlins against Stone Cold, a team in a similar position as the Carlins, except they are so far out they will not get a bye week. Stone Cold ignored my trade request so this is a little personal for me. I have a chance to ruin his summer.

pip rain stayed away!

Week 17 Results

Week 17 was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I’ll be Hollywood and cut to the chase. The Miami Carlins defeated Stone Cold 367-255. In the few posts I did this week I basically said why the score was the way it was. The Carlins were great and Stone Cold simply was not.

Player of the Week goes to Freddie Freeman with 37 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Shane Victorino who also had 37 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Allen Craig who only totaled 3 points in his time he spent in the lineup which was every day except the day he scored 14 points. Ugh.

Now for scores from around the league:

Cecil Cantrell narrowed out Houston Asterisk 237-227

Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages made Team Boyle’s life miserable, beating them 367-236

Team Gold moved up to the third place in the league with a win over The Fuzzy Taints, 289-261

Drunkin’ Drafters piled on the points against Si Hurricanes with a final score 291-207

Now for Atlanta Slaves news:

The Atlanta Slaves are back in first place! It’s only by 2.5 games, but still something to celebrate.

This week the Miami Carlins will play Cecil Cantrell, the team that the Miami Carlins beat before to end their bad losing streak midseason. It’s important to pick up as many wins down the stretch. The way I see it, two more wins secures a playoff spot, but of course that’s not good enough. Right now the Carlins have a one game lead over The Fuzzy Taints for the West Division lead, something I hope to keep.

Do You Believe in Miracles?

I don’t. And thankfully because I don’t believe in miracles, the odds are in my favor. Two days remain in my matchup against Stone Cold this week and the Miami Carlins have a gigantic 290-179 lead. I haven’t even noticed how well the Carlins have been doing and how poorly Stone Cold has. It has indeed gotten to that point too. Single digit starts combined with only Shane Victorino providing great offense for Stone Cold is what got us here. For the Carlins, Freddie Freeman has already contributed 32 points. This new job I have is completely distracting me from paying attention to every little detail in the league. After losing last week I thought I was in for a losing streak. Looks like the Carlins are back on track and Stone Cold is bloodied and ready to lose.

stone cold

“Don’t Get Cocky Kid” – Han Solo

At one point during the Star Wars Trilogy, Luke Skywalker started shooting a bunch of storm troopers. These storm troopers probably had families and people who cared about them. As he killed each, he let out a wild laugh/yell. Han Solo turned to him and told him not to be so cocky. I’m in a similar position this week against my opponent Stone Cold. Tallying up Monday, Tuesday, and a few games today, the score is 86-69. Now why am I getting cocky? Because Stone Cold has used 3 of their 7 starts. The Miami Carlins haven’t used any.

han solo

The Carlin’s pitching has been inconsistent of late and I’ve been over that already. Today Matt Moore went on the disabled list which is a huge setback for the team, especially with how well he had been pitching minus his most recent start on Sunday. It looked for a while like I wouldn’t have to have a revolving door of starting pitchers, but now I am have to. Sam Dedundo of the Minnesota Twins who has been pitching well of late was signed to replace Moore in the interim. He pitches tomorrow against the Houston Astros, something that from a distance looks like a sure thing.

So why the Carlins winning by so much this week? First, Grant Balfour and Joe Nathan have made up for being so terrible last week. Second, Freddie Freeman’s two home runs yesterday. Even today Torii Hunter, while on the bench, tacked on 15 points. The Carlins by far have the best offensive team. Even with the possible loss of Jhonny Peralta and Nelson Cruz to season ending suspensions the team has Pablo Sandoval, Jayson Werth, and Torii Hunter who can easily step in, all three of whom deserve more playing time anyway.

So why has Stone Cold stunk? Okay, maybe they haven’t stunk. That’s a harsh word. Looking over their stats for this week, it’s pretty average. The big difference right now is that the Carlins have gotten 29 points from their three closers; Grant Balfour, Joe Nathan, and Jim Henderson who earned two saves yesterday.

Things can of course change. Mike Minor pitches for the Carlins tonight as does Corey Kluber making his Miami Carlins debut. As long as they pitch to their average we should be good. A bye week is really important to me right now, possibly more important than anything else. That includes life an being kind to my fellow man. I spend way too much time on this time to fail. Ugh I’m too cocky.