Here are the nominees for the Miami Carlins Awards.
Player of the Year:
Surprise of the Year:
Disappointment of the Year:
Nelson Cruz/Jhonny Peralta Suspension
Best Free Agent Signing/Waiver Claim:
Matt Carpenter 4/2
Carlos Gomez 4/23
Torii Hunter 5/15
Draft Pick Steal:
Grant Balfour Round 17 (165 overall)
Mike Minor Round 20 (196 overall)
Jayson Werth Round 24 (236 overall)
Player of the Week Wins: Jhoulys Chacin, Nelson Cruz, Yu Darvish (3), Freddie Freeman (3), Carlos Gomez (3), Cole Hamels (2), Ian Kinsler, Andrew McCutchen (2), Mike Minor (3), Matt Moore (2), Carlos Santana, Jayson Werth, Jordan Zimmermann
Enemy of the Week Wins: Yoenis Cespedes, Chris Davis, Josh Donaldson, Edwin Encarnacian (2), Jose Fernandez, Matt Garza, Tim Hudson, Adam Jones, Jason Kipnis, Cliff Lee, Evan Longoria, Joe Mauer, Brandon Moss, Edward Mujica, Bud Norris, Max Scherzer, Nick Swisher, Justin Upton, Shane Victorino, Adam Wainwright, David Wright, Ryan Zimmerman
Disappointment of the Week Wins: Grant Balfour, Matt Carpenter, Starlin Castro (2), Allen Craig, Nelson Cruz, Yu Darvish, Jeremy Guthrie, Jose Iglesias, Ian Kinsler, Jason Kubel, Andrew McCutchen, Wade Miley, Mike Minor, Matt Moore, Jhonny Peralta, Pablo Sandoval (2), Jake Westbrook (2), Jordan Zimmermann (3)
I didn’t jump to post the results for a particular reason, it took me a week to leave my bedroom. The impossible happened. The Miami Carlins were knocked out of the playoffs in the first round by Team Gold. The score of the game, 324-290.
The final awards for this week look like this. Player of the Week goes to Jayson Werth with 29 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Mike Minor with 3 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Josh Donaldson with 37 points.
There was only one other game this week that mattered, my dad Team Boyle against Stone Cold. Miraculously, Team Boyle pulled out the victory. Even better, Team Boyle in Round 2 is headed toward victory against Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages. Their final score was 323-284. Imagine if my dad and I switched opponents. He would have just barely lost and I would have still been playing ball, actually winning too because JDVS is really getting their asses handed to them.
In Atlanta Slaves’ news…my minor league team has made it to the finals. Currently losing by a bit, the score is still pretty close in many categories. It’s going to come down to the wire for sure.
Next post, I will award the Miami Carlins postseason awards. I could wait until the end of the playoffs, but I know I will be so sad to see my dad beat everyone that I will lose the desire.
The playoffs have begun and this is how it looks:
Miami Carlins #6 vs. Team Gold #3
Team Boyle #5 vs. Stone Cold #4
First Round Byes:
Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages #1
Drunkin’ Drafters #2
There is also a consolation round, which has no real point to it so I’m not sure why they bother other than people who hold grudges or if some leagues hand out prizes. Or maybe some leagues do something bad to the person who finishes in last. Either way, it looks like I will have to beat Team Gold in the first round, Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages in the second, and then take on a mystery team, hopefully Team Boyle because it would be fantastic if this came down to a family battle. However it turns out, let’s just hope I win.
As fatalistically predicted, the Miami Carlins suffered a traumatic loss at the hands of Stone Cold, 309-261. The playoffs have already begun with the Carlins in the sixth and final playoff spot. Pretty amazing considering a win in Week 22 would have given America’s Favorite Fantasy Baseball team a first round bye. That shows you just how close this is.
Player of the Week goes to Cole Hamels with 55 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Ryan Zimmerman who notched 31 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Yu Darvish with -2 points. Wade Miley had a -10 performance, but at this point I expect negativity from people with the name Miley.
Let’s announce some scores from around the league:
Houston Asterisks beat Cecil Cantrell in a meaningless game, 302-270
Team Boyle snuck into the playoffs with a win over Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages, 303-262
Team Gold knocked The Fuzzy Taints’ chances at making the post season by beating them 283-212
Drunkin’ Drafters got lucky and faced Si Hurricanes in the final week, giving them a first round bye after a 227-151 victory
I will get to the playoff picture in another post as it will up my blog stats, slightly. Let’s instead give a brief announcement for the Atlanta Slaves:
The Atlanta Slaves finished the regular season in 2nd place. It was a tight battle between the top 3 spots and the 4th and final playoff position came down to a half game victory. It will take only two wins to become the league champion where I will win a ring. Just what I want, this guy after me.
The Miami Carlins finished with a pitiful 11-11 record after a tremendous 5-0 start. Blame can be placed on Nelson Cruz and Jhonny Peralta. Blame will not be placed on them though as it always comes down to the manager, me. All this means now is that we are the underdogs.
The final ruling came down and Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages was given the win over the Houston Asterisks instead of the tie. It doesn’t matter. I still say they engage in incestuous activities. They manage a fantasy baseball team together. That’s weird.
We enter Sunday with the Miami Carlins trailing the Bosom Buddies 310-286. Matt Garza pitches for Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages and Mike Minor makes the final start for the Miami Carlins. The Carlins are going to have to make up a lot of points offensively to overtake JDVS and pick up the win.
I also wanted to do a brief list here of 10 things two men should never do together without raising an eyebrow, inspired by running a fantasy baseball team.
1) Own a cat
2) Bathe in a lake
3) Go on a cruise
4) Go clothes shopping
5) Proctology appointments
6) Swap underpants
7) Sleep on the same one-person cot
8) Sit on Santa’s lap
9) Work on their abs
10) Share a sandwich
I will post the weekly results later in the week for the sake of consistency. I think they may change because there’s an obvious glaring error in that Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages was given a loss to the Houston Asterisks even though Houston used 8 starts instead of 7. The Carlins did win though and that’s all that matters.
In the meantime and the in between time, here is something i wrote for Yahoo that I thought was pretty good and maybe one person will click it.
This week’s match against the Si Hurricanes has been simple and easy and any other adjectives you can think of that mean minimal effort. Starting with Yu Darvish’s 40 point performance Monday, the Miami Carlins currently have a 161-154 lead. This may not look like much until I reveal that the Si Hurricanes have used 6 of their 7 starts. The Miami Carlins have only used 3. Barring multiple pitching meltdowns or Si Hurricanes’ third baseman Aramis Ramirez turning back the clock a decade and regaining a power stroke, it looks like the Miami Carlins will sail into next week with ease.
The Carlins offense has finally started kicking today and right now we trail Cecil Cantrell by only 30 points, 226-196. Torii Hunter started the rally with 13 points earlier today and Jayson Werth has added to it with another 12. I don’t have much else to say other than cross your fingers, toes, and Fallopian tubes for me.
Week 17 was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I’ll be Hollywood and cut to the chase. The Miami Carlins defeated Stone Cold 367-255. In the few posts I did this week I basically said why the score was the way it was. The Carlins were great and Stone Cold simply was not.
Player of the Week goes to Freddie Freeman with 37 points. Enemy of the Week goes to Shane Victorino who also had 37 points. Disappointment of the Week goes to Allen Craig who only totaled 3 points in his time he spent in the lineup which was every day except the day he scored 14 points. Ugh.
Now for scores from around the league:
Cecil Cantrell narrowed out Houston Asterisk 237-227
Jimmy Dean Vienna Sausages made Team Boyle’s life miserable, beating them 367-236
Team Gold moved up to the third place in the league with a win over The Fuzzy Taints, 289-261
Drunkin’ Drafters piled on the points against Si Hurricanes with a final score 291-207
Now for Atlanta Slaves news:
The Atlanta Slaves are back in first place! It’s only by 2.5 games, but still something to celebrate.
This week the Miami Carlins will play Cecil Cantrell, the team that the Miami Carlins beat before to end their bad losing streak midseason. It’s important to pick up as many wins down the stretch. The way I see it, two more wins secures a playoff spot, but of course that’s not good enough. Right now the Carlins have a one game lead over The Fuzzy Taints for the West Division lead, something I hope to keep.
I have published my first article on the Yahoo Contributor’s Network. Basically anyone can publish here as long as they are competent. Here’s the piece I wrote.